My NC-40 Birthday BBQ

If you're like me, with several kids, there's never a shortage of birthday parties. It seems like we've been averaging two parties a week every week since school let out. Most of these parties involve our core group of church families, so I know everyone and generally have a great time. But sometimes it's my kids' school friends, which I totally dread... Sorry, but I find it hard to go out and meet new parents. Them soccer moms are so clique-ish with their Mandarin gossip, Burberry purses, and luxury SUV's... and need I mention their freakish overachieving children? Gag! I quickly find myself among the only two dads there, so I get stuck trying to make conversation with that other poor soul. The party can't end soon enough.

So for my birthday, I begged the wife to let me invite my friends, regardless if my family liked them or not :) I wanted to invite everyone, but in the interest of saving my marriage, the wife suggested I only invite people that I don't normally see. Furthermore, in order to make me feel young (or at least younger), all adults had to be to be my age or older. Criteria: if you can't remember exactly where you were when you found out Bruce Lee died, you're too young.

The group that was finally assembled I affectionately refer to them as the "Loud & Proud Crowd." They have the largest appetites for life and have matching lungs to prove it. They talk about everything under the sun and no topic is forbidden, including personal hygiene and unflattering emissions. My mom even commented to me in another room that she's never heard so many women laugh so loud. I had to tell her one of those women was Dave.

Actually I was getting back at my new next-door Indian neighbors. Last week they had a party where they were singing Bollywood karaoke (I had no idea there was such a thing). That day I witnessed some of the most bizarre sounds... some questionably non-human. One could argue they were teaching goats how to bleat in unison. So with the all my windows facing their side open, we roared back to show them exactly how us Chinamen party! The only thing missing was the clacking of mahjong tiles.

Needless to say, the party was a total blast. Your closest friends will never leave early claiming, "it's past my kid's bedtime…" But since it was a work night and Patty was coming, we had to have an end time of 10 p.m., otherwise Patty would have started pulling that aerobed out of her purse.

I would encourage you 40-something people to throw yourself a birthday party every once in a while. You don't need to think about goodie-bags, bouncy houses or piñatas, just have a simple dinner party with fun people. I would venture to guess that for most people, the last time they had a party just for themselves was their baby shower or bachelor party. So forget about your kids' friends for once and just invite your own. And of course, be sure to invite me :)

Thanks to Matt for taking the great pics.

If you're a single woman looking to attract men (not these men though), throw a BBQ.

Up until now, they've only read about my famous loft. Now they finally get to experience it!

All my friends are low-maintenance, self-entertaining people.

I had to build a second loft for Justine. No stinky boys are allowed on this one.

My mom makes the plumpest gin dui's, unlike those golfball-sized, thick-skinned Chinatown variety.

Is he kung fu fighting or trying to pass gas? Either way, the girls were keeping their distance.

There's no such thing as having too big of a grill.

My multi-talented loving wife who cleaned, prepped, cooked and cleaned nonstop for two days! AND, she even packs my lunch for work! I think she knew from the very start that it wouldn't be easy being married to me!

With a party of this magnitude, security detail was left to the Angels.

Can't be any louder. Can't be any prouder!

Mama Cez
For another perspective of my party, please visit Mama Cez. Yes, my one-time guest blogger started her own blog. And she is a blogging machine!! I did offer her some suggestions for the title of her blog (The Cez Dispenser, Cez-Side Story, Take a Dip in the Cez-pool, etc.), but like any highly creative person, she came up with her own.  So if you like to read about the lives of people that are more intriguing than mine, while catching more of Matt's exquisite photography, you should follow her blog.

Dear Faithful Readers

I apologize for the long absence. I know you come here week after week looking for insight and entertainment only to be disappointed the past month. I'm sorry to have left a void in your workday. And I know your dinner conversation has suffered during my absence… I know how you feel. It just isn't fair. It's like when I was in college and there was this cute girl in lecture hall. Every day I would try to grab a seat closer to her hoping she would notice me. Then a few weeks into the quarter when I finally score the seat right next to her, I notice she's pregnant… OK, so it's not really related, but disappointment nonetheless!

Like I noted in an earlier post, Blogger is blocked here in the dungeon. And for me, my blogging comes in spontaneous spurts. If I get an idea, I'll need to post it immediately. Otherwise, when I get home, my energy is quickly sapped by a little three-headed six-legged monster, and then even the most gallant efforts are gone. Without that instant direct-connect at work, my once-spirited lifeline to the outside world is severely crippled.

Also, my life hasn't been very interesting lately. Haven't gone anywhere, no photo assignments, zero free food… I mean why blog unless I have something of value to offer?? Isn't the whole point of blogging to show how much better my life is than yours? (And then to follow up showing how much worse it is also??) Quite the quandary. I'm reduced to being just like everyone else.

And then there's peer pressure, or may I say, the lack of… Yeah, don't get mad at me, just look at my once-vibrant community of bloggers. When was the last time they posted? I want to know whether it's Inconceivable that the Sensible Stamper still has any sense. Are they still Living the Dream or have they dropped out of the Urban Race because they ran out of Kash?! Sadly, their once-great blogging is now cheapened and repackaged as Facebook and Twitter updates. Sigh (don't get me started). Don't they realize how much of an inspiration they were to me?? How I relied on them for encouragement and banter? Like Jerry Maguire would say, "You complete me."

So for now I'm just a lonely prisoner rambling by myself. Perhaps it'll get better. Maybe you'll invite me for dinner, take me on a trip, watch my kids for a week…. you know, give me something great to blog about... because I'm NOT going to stinkin' Africa just to have content to post (sorry, nothing personal, Ray). Or maybe, just maybe, my fellow bloggers will start blogging again...? Perhaps it is me that needs to offer them encouragement and inspiration. Maybe it's me that needs to complete them... Time will tell.

If you're not making dust, you're collecting dust.

Yesterday I spent Labor Day laboring in the garage. I recently scored a new Delta table saw on Craigslist. Dude bought it as a gift for a buddy, but his buddy ended up dying. Yes, sad. So he sold it to me at a 43% savings! Yes, good! Still sealed in the box. And delivered too! Yes, even better!

Craigslist is a great place to buy tools (because quality tools are expensive). Most people treat their power tools like they treat their gym memberships. They use it regularly at first, but then it sits around abandoned for the next few years. I would like to say I'm different, but I'm not. I too let my tools sit for a while with no projects on the horizon. But I know that if I upgraded from my portable Dewalt to a contractor's saw, I would have more ambition to attempt bigger projects. Time will tell.

Buying on Craigslist helps eliminate that guilty and wasteful feeling of overspending. Because if you bought it at a steep discount, let it sit for a few years and resell it, you will lose very little money. In fact, you may even break even or make a profit depending on how well you deal. So the only thing truly lost during those wasteful years is floor space. This also applies to treadmills, weight sets, large toys and practically anything else that's durable and not technology-driven.

For the longest time I was debating on buying a used saw. The biggest problem with a used table saw from someone's garage is the transportation, not to mention the lifting. This particular saw with the fence is about 300 lbs. I was really tempted to just order it from Amazon. But being the patient determined shopper that I am, I knew something great would come up eventually. And remember, everything is negotiable. Lowball them first. If they won't budge, then ask for delivery. Depending on location, most sellers will gladly meet because they too, just want to complete the sale.

I bought the Delta T30 Fence for $170. I couldn't justify getting the Biesemeyer at double the price. The Delta fence is very solid and sturdy. I can't imagine needing anything more.

One bad thing about buying new out of the box is the assembly (another reason not to buy new at Ikea). Over 100 screws and nuts! Even the motor had to be attached. Four hours to assemble just the saw (no thanks to the horrible instruction manual with 2 photos reversed). One hour for the fence. Although now if I ever had to assemble another one, I can do it in half the time!

Oh and another 2.5 hours to figure out how to best fit in the router table. All in all, a full day's work. Now I need to build the outfeed table...

Left on the cutting room floor

Well you won't be seeing my face gracing the walls of our bus and rail cars any time soon! I was skipped over for the woman below. They said I didn't look friendly enough. And that I lack sincerity and don't command public respect. Even though that's not exactly what they said, I'm sure that's what they meant.

200: Meet my readers

Hard to believe I've made it past another milestone. It didn't seem that long ago when I hit 100. But thanks to the many interesting folks in my life, I'm never short of content to post.

Actually this is post #202. I apologize, but I ran into some snags trying to locate the above photo. You see, I just HAD to post this photo. So what is the significance of this photo you may ask? Well this photo is the perfect representation of my four reading demographics.

Group 1: My most loyal readers. Some of the folks in the photo are my favorite bunch. They subscribe. They comment. They enjoy my insights and nothing I could say can ever surprise them. They send me reminders when I haven't updated in a week and often chat with me online. Thank you, you are my greatest joy and the reason for my cyberspace existence! You are my biggest fans and I am yours!

Group 2: My closet readers. Some of the folks in the photo read occasionally. This is mainly because they are married to one of my most loyal readers. They like looking at the photos and find my blog mildly amusing, but then they'll feel guilty or shameful afterwards. They can't understand why their spouse has such devotion and pretend to be indifferent.

Group 3: My anonymous readers. They visit all the time but I'm not allowed to post their photos or mention their names. They like reading about other people, but not about themselves. Some of them I don't know and will never meet. I've gotten return visitors from Napa, the midwest, east coast and even Japan! This is amazing because I purposely avoid using keywords to make my blog less searchable. So whoever you are, I'm honored by your presence here.

Group 4: My non-fans. They think this is juvenile and say things like "you have way too much time on your hands" or "I barely have time for my life, let alone have time to read about yours..." Yes, actual statements. Ouch. They use the internet the same way they commute, point A to point B, never stopping off to go shopping or pick up a donut. They don't own an iPod and listen to news radio. The only way I'll EVER get them to visit my blog is if I posted a picture of them – which brings us back to the significance of this photo :)

So which one are you?

Regardless of who you are, I'm grateful for your presence here. And to you non-fans, I listen to news radio too on occasion :) But like the photo, I hope this blog brings a smile to your face and brightens your day if even for a moment. (Disclaimer: I don't think any of the people above are really non-fans)

Just last week, a fellow blogger's mother-in-law whom I just met, came to me to express her joy in reading my blog. She liked the Blue Angel photos and have forward my post about Toto toilets to her friends. Also, she's awaiting her free GPS because of me! Isn't that awesome?! And all along I thought my only senior readers were in Redmond... :o

So thank you all again. If I haven't featured you here yet, your time will come. If I haven't offended you yet, again your time will come. Until then, send me your deals, be nice to me, and most of all, be sure to invite me to all your parties. :)

Stay healthy and have a wonderful weekend.

Mmm... Cake

Thanks to all of you for your well wishes yesterday. It was a good day. On the way home I only paid $4.23 for gas. My mom made some greasy sesame balls (gin dui). Chrissy made me a steak dinner. I played Nintendo DS for an hour with Wayland while our boys had piano lessons. Ate more cake. Then hung out with Ray for the rest of the evening. So indeed a very good day (for a Wednesday).

Being in the cake-eating mode, I just wanted to share with you a blog I found yesterday. It features some of the most creepy ghetto creative cakes. Enjoy.

Link: Cake Wrecks

OK, I take back all the bad things I ever said about my job.

I was speechless. They told me to don't start thinking they actually like me –
they just wanted an excuse to have cake.

My favorite, German Chocolate.... mmm

All that sugar at 11:00 a.m. will drive people batty.

40 no more

Put on your party dress, it's daddy's birthday.

Like last year, I woke up this morning feeling a bit older. Partly because I'm sore from playing tennis last night. It's a sad fact that even though I was the youngest guy in the group (Stephen, Samuel, Braski, Martin, Ronnie), I'm probably the only one sore today.

The trick to not feeling old is to live your life through your kids. You play with them, wrestle with them, call them poopy names... you know, stoop down to their level. So although I can never be their age again, I can at least act their age. Let's see how long I can keep this up.

The Lew's and the Lai's

At our last YFC meeting, these two families asked me to take their pictures. Apparently they're like best friends so not only do they live in the same city and drive the same minivan and vacation together, but they were even able to duplicate the same genetic order of their children!! Freaky Wow!! Now if they were any other families, I would think they were a bit quirky and peculiar. But since they all subscribe to my blog, I consider them among my closest friends!

I have seven families where both the husband and wife subscribe to my blog. I think these couples have the strongest relationships. Imagine this, every night at the dinner table, if there was any period of awkward silence, one could just say to the other, "Hey, whatcha think about Stan's blog today?"

To you, my dear readers, I'm honored that my blog is the common bond that strengthens your marriage. That my writings weave and swaddle our mutual experiences so that our friendship can be perfect. My heart is saturated with emotion knowing I can break your monotonous day with information, entertainment and general mindlessness that further enriches your life. I thank you for your presence here.

Facebook: I don't get it

Through the invitation of a distant friend, I signed up for an account sometime last year. I totally forgot about it. During the holidays, several of my friends talked about how great it was for meeting up with old buddies, classmates, and looking up old flames (oops, did I say that?). They also complained to me that I wasn't responding to their spam, um, I mean messages.

Last month I curiously logged in and uh hello...? I'm lost. What am I supposed to do? Where's the instructions? What's the purpose? Should I write on your wall? And what do you write on the wall of someone you haven't seen in decades? "Whoa dude, you really let yourself go..."

I looked at my two friends' profiles, and then at their friends, and their friends' friends... and then Ah ha, I get it! You're supposed to add friends! Right? Hmm, it seems like people collect friends the same way my boys collect Pokemon cards, or like how Hillary collects super delegates, or like how Ursula collects "poor unfortunate souls" – it's a game.

The last time I checked, I've gotten poked, received some gift, and someone thinks I'm a "hottie" (honestly, I'm afraid to respond). Surprisingly, I've received several new friend requests the last month (I'm really flattered!). And with the recent photo workshop, I added some more friends! But then one of my "friends" wrote on my wall calling me a "loser" because I don't have a profile photo – the nerve!! Another one said that my empty photo is like a blemish in their wall of friends. Hmm, is this about me or them?

You ever watch the Oscars? Sure you have. Did you ever notice that when the camera pans the audience, every single seat is filled? Did you know they pay people (seat-fillers) to sit in those seats vacated by Clooney, Spielberg, Hanks, etc. when they're munching in the Green Room or schmoozing backstage? Yes indeed, there is a price for that perfect appearance. So yes, I'll gladly post a photo to complete your wall, that is, if you pay me :)

Oh I'm just kidding. You don't have to pay me. You're already paying dearly by wasting your time reading this blog. I'm honored to be called your friend and would happily contribute to your popularity and help you restore your sense of self-worth.

On the flip side, please don't expect me to solicit your friendship right away. Maybe I'm just too shy or maybe I don't want to be so presumptuous – I mean, maybe you don't want to be my friend. Maybe I scare you. That's cool. Now as for the poking... well you can forget about that, because poking sounds downright naughty! So let's just stick to the soliciting for now.

Even with all this "networking," I have yet to understand how people get so addicted to it. Maybe it's for the people that don't get out enough. I guess it's nice to know what you're all up to, that is, if all of you were actually there. From what I've seen so far, only a few of you are very active. The rest of you don't update often enough, and I still have yet to find a single old flame! Sigh. So essentially Facebook is only useful if you throw your whole life into it and everyone else does the same.

Perhaps we can all make our Facebook experiences more rewarding. Everyone please add me as your friend. Don't have an account? Get one! Yes, I'll be anyone's friend. I'm shallow, superficial and aloof, which makes me the perfect Facebook friend. I won't bother you. I really just want your face on my wall. I want to be one of the cool kids with a million friends. Because now I know what Facebook is really all about. It's not about you. It's all about me! Me Me Me!! That's the value. So please be my friend! And for goodness sake, please make sure you have a profile photo!! Thanks :)

Sign up for Facebook now!

Back from the Dead

It's been a long, hungry four days. But today I made it back to work. I haven't been this sick since 2005 when I inherited hand-foot-mouth disease from Dustin. That was much worst. If you've never heard of hand-foot-mouth, consider yourself blessed. I'm guessing in 2011, like clockwork, I'll get some new virus from Justine, and then the circle will be complete.

When you sit on the can as much as I did, you have lots of time to think (and pray). Although when you're kneeling in front of it, you're likely only to be praying. And boy was I praying hard! It was a battle zone in that bathroom!

After the violence had subsided, I was back in bed alone with my thoughts. I remembered a recent sermon about how I should thank the Lord in all situations, even when I'm suffering. Normally during chronic ordeals, I would question, "Why me? Why me? What have I done to deserve this?" ...and this time was no different. But in addition to that prayer, I was also thankful for my misery. I was thankful that it was me being tortured instead of Colby. I was thankful it wasn't any worst or that it wasn't compounded by another crisis. I was thankful that after I puked, there actually was some relief. I could go on and on... Honestly, it was a hard prayer and I tried to be sincere. I kept analyzing: hey, I have 3 kids... life is supposed to be painful! Be a man! Heck, it's been 3 years between these afflictions. I've gotten off easy... But joking aside, through the prayer I knew God had a plan for me. That this was part of His perfect will. I've been going through cruise control for much too long. And I needed to be reminded to depend on Him daily.

Despite the discomfort, those four days were quite productive. I did many of the things I've been procrastinating on: I prepared our taxes, helped Dustin on a project, organized our bills, organized my mom's bills, finished a freelance job, did some light yard work, cleaned up my desk, and caught up on 9 videos I've been wanting to watch!

At work they didn't miss me one bit. Both my bosses are on vacation so no one cares. Best of all, I had a couple of jobs that I hated, but in my absence, they were reassigned to someone else! Today everyone's avoiding me because I look like death. I tell them to stay away (with my creepy, raspy voice) and they run. Ahh, the peace and quiet. More time to relax, slow down, and blog... a great start to a 3-day weekend. What? You mean you don't get Caesar Chavez Day off? Bummer dude!

In hindsight, I'd say it's been a great week! Yep, God is looking out for me! And for that, I am very thankful.

I Stand Corrected

It's not easy to admit you're wrong. But on some rare occasions (like today, being Feb. 29), even someone like me can be a little off the mark. Hard to believe I know. But it happens.

Remember back in December when I wrote about how I won the logo contest and that I don't expect anything from the six-figure directors who are grossly overpaid and at the same time super cheap because all they care about was their pensions and collecting $20 for the Christmas party and charging us an hour vacation time to attend their "free" lunch and making sure no one leaves early on Christmas and New Year's Eve saying there's lots of work to be done even though they themselves take that time off because they know there's really nothing to do and even if there was there's plenty of lower level people making half their salaries who are quite capable of doing their jobs for them??

Well, that's still mostly true.

Last week I got a call from upstairs on behalf of the general manager. They wanted to officially recognize me for my winning logo. (I think they were prodded by my little boss because she knows we rarely get any respect and recognition. To them we're just the people under the stairs.) So anyway, this executive-level gal visits me and asks me what I would like for a prize. I was flabbergasted! Who me?? A prize?? I get a prize?! She said yes. And she asks why I'm so surprised (good thing she doesn't read my blog). She said it has to be something environmentally conscious and renewable. So I immediately asked for a Prius!

She laughed and said, "...what about some light bulbs or a coffee thermos?" I gently told her that light bulbs are 3/$1 and I don't drink coffee because it's bad for my blood pressure. What I really was thinking was how incredibly cheap they were - I mean who would offer light bulbs for a prize?? But then I remembered that I should be happy because I wasn't expecting anything in the first place so even if it was only a few light bulbs it would still be better than nothing at all. I gratefully smiled and said let me consult my wife to find a suitable prize. She said ok, smiled back, and left.

I go home and tell Chrissy. She thinks to herself and asks if there was a budget. Heck if I know, but I'm definitely not getting a Prius! I tell her to think along the price range of light bulbs and coffee mugs. (By her facial reaction I could tell she was thinking they were cheap too). She told me to get the $20 Sigg Aluminum Water Bottle. (To stay on topic, I'll blog about the Sigg at a later date).

So yesterday I was honored at a big-wig meeting and received my bottle. Of course when I was up there I had to make a short speech explaining my choice in the prize. I was really nervous and stuttered a bit, but I won't lie, it was a nice feeling being recognized from the top. The GM knows me now. My chief knows me now. They now can put a face on all the high-profile campaigns going around here. Yes, they'll continue to expect great things from me. And I will continue to deliver (or continue to think of excuses why I couldn't...). Fact is, now I'm on their radar. Hmm, methinks maybe that's not a good thing...

If this was at some private company, this would be a perfect time to ask for a raise. Unfortunately as a public employee, the only raise I get is in my union dues and blood pressure. There are times when I get jealous of you guys and your great jobs that let you travel, feed you, let you work from home, give you a car, give you a Blackberry, give you 33% discount, let you fire people for fun... But I know I should be content. I'm pretty lucky to have a quiet corner cubicle where I can churn out incredible works for the enjoyment of mankind – and when I'm NOT blogging, I do some pretty decent designs too! A job is just a job. We lead a simple life so as long as it pays the bills, I'm fine. To me, my cube is just a hideout from the kids, sorta like a clubhouse for me and my staff of driftless thoughts. Going home and facing the family – now that's where the real job is. Yeah, that's where I deserve a raise!

Oh, I couldn't resist

Vista Print has an offer for one Free Personalized Hat. The hat was free but shipping was $4.91. According to Mr. Cheap Stuff, the hat is not some cheap hat, but it's high quality with an adjustable strap. I selected the cheapest shipping method so I can expect it in 21 days. I have plenty of hats, and I rarely wear them, but to get one personalized and delivered for under five bucks, I couldn't pass this up. If I like it, maybe I'll order some for my kids :) I can't wait to show it to you! It's sure to be a great conversation starter!

It's not just hats, they have other free stuff at Vista Print, check them out.

Who's Your Nerd?

I must say, whenever a friend comes to me and tells me about their peecee problems, I am sad. The selfish part of me wants to say "I told you so!" But the (much larger) sensitive side of me eventually prevails as I console and share their pain. I sympathize with them and try to alleviate their agony by pointing them in the right direction – to the Apple Store.

I also must say that whenever you come to me and tell me you just bought a Vista laptop, a little part of me dies. Really it does. I don't care how cheap it was or how creative you were stacking coupons... as a friend and a reader of my blog, I ask you, "Where is your loyalty? Do you really enjoy stomping on my heart? Does the word 'betrayal' have any meaning? How can you expect our friendship to survive this tragedy?"

I won't name any names, but you know who you are. And my heart bleeds for you. Sniff, I need a tissue...

On Saturday there was an article in the New York Times about some poor sap's brand new Vista laptop crapping out in the first 72-hours to the tune of an $800 repair bill. Below are some excerpts.

Since I had ordered my Dell over the phone, I tried to seek technical support the same way. The Dell answering menu kept directing me to seek help online. After nearly an hour, I finally contacted a human, but there was an infuriating language barrier. It sounded as if the customer representative was repeatedly asking if I’d pressed the “cat slap button.” Then I realized she was referring to the “caps lock” button. I asked where she was. “In the Philippines,” she replied.

I called John C. Dvorak, a prominent columnist for PC Magazine and a podcaster on the Podshow network. “I advise everybody to buy a Macintosh because Apple products are the easiest to use,” he said. “If you own a PC, you have to find a local nerd, a kid, maybe a relative. Every family has one unless they’ve just moved here from a foreign country. That’s the only solution.”

“A geek is someone who bites the head off a chicken,” he notes. “A nerd is a socially inept person with faulty eyewear.”

“We would have made a lot less money off you if you’d come to us and asked what to buy before you decided on the Dell Inspiron 1720,” he said. “I’m not a big fan of new operating systems like Microsoft Windows Vista because you get software bloat. They do some remarkable things. But they also have too many processes going on at the same time, and they often make needless and confusing changes in the way their features are presented.”

This, my friend, could be you – Penny-Wise and Pound-Foolish. Sure, you may save money up front. But at what cost? If I can mimic the voice of Al Sharpton, "Guard your souls, my children! Don't be tempted by the Dell! It will consume you with instability, insecurity and uncertainty! Leading to loss of productivity, credibility, and longevity! Leaving you with feelings of negativity, irritability, and hostility. Flee my children! Flee I say! Lord have mercy!"

For all you nerds out there that have been repairing peecees your whole life for family and friends, I say bravo to you! I wish I had the skills, the patience, and the time to devote to such a thankless job. Um, actually I don't. But I will be sure to send people your way anyway! :)

And to those of you that don't know jack about fixing a computer and is stuck in a nerdless family... it's YOU that I fear for the most. You'll call me and I won't have a clue to what you're talking about. Sorry, I don't have the latest Norton... Sorry, I don't know why your cousin's iPod won't play your WMA files... Sorry, I don't know why they can't hear you on your webcam... – yes, all real questions. I want to help you but we must speaka-da same language first. We must be on the same page. I can't jump your car if you already drove it into the lake...

I may no longer have the faulty eyewear, but I'm still a nerd for many people (all Mac users, mind you). For most of the people I support, many of them don't even need me. With the exception of hardware issues, most problems they figure out themselves. They in fact, are their own nerds – to which makes me a needless nerd to the nerdless! It's a great feeling. But to the rest of you, my heart is still wounded. Although I do have a forgiving heart :)

Am I the coolest dad or what?!

This Christmas we received our latest piece of fine home furnishing. It was for the boys from their Uncle Ricky (who is single). It was a great gift but with no room in the house, we had to leave it in the cold garage, next to the air hockey table, and taking up a parking spot.

Then after dismantling the Christmas tree, normally a sofa chair would return to that corner. While I was resting after Lasik surgery, I had no energy to move that big heavy chair from upstairs. But instead, I was easily able to move this basketball court from the garage! And it was even easier because Chrissy was at work :)

Oh man, when the boys came home, boy did their faces light up! "That is soooo cool dad!!" It's really been the main attraction of fun, especially for friends and during rainy days. And with the 30 second timer, you can really get a good cardiovascular workout! It sure beats an ugly Nordic Trak! Just last night my mom commented that it was the best toy because it can be played by all ages. Hmm, I wonder if she's been launching basketballs when no one's home...

So far, no damage yet. We've knocked the vent cover off and loosened one of the spindles on the railing, but the netting does a great job containing about 95% of our shots. As long as you're not attempting a fade-away or some half-court heave, there shouldn't be any problems. We've been getting creative by trying different ways to shoot baskets, like sitting on the floor, or in complete darkness, or while holding a child... Needless to say, I hold the record in all categories!

I know in normal households, this would be totally-out-of-the-question in the living room. But surprisingly Chrissy hasn't voiced any complaints about it so far. Maybe because she secretly thinks it's cool too... or maybe because it came from her side of the family... whatever, it's here to stay until the next thing. Now I just need to find room for our air hockey...

A picture-perfect Merry Christmas to you all!

Ah, the beauty of Photoshop. What would I do without it? My family needs it like moviestars need a makeup artist. Here's a foreign website that shows some beautiful celebrities without makeup. Warning: you'll be shocked! Oh man, Jessica Simpson and Eva Longoria never looked so good!

As we searched through our photo library for a nice family photo, none existed. Sure we took many as a family, but none I would mass produce onto cards and pass out. Either Dustin's teeth is falling out, or Colby has some unnatural smirk, or Justine got boogies in her nose, or me with my mouth open yelling at the kids to smile... something's wrong with someone. That's when I decided to just build my own photo. Yeah, forget the stress and realization that your family is dysfunctional, just find a few good individual portraits and fool the world.

Welcome to Photoshop. Yep you guess it, I lifted each child off separate photos and assemble onto one. Then I found all the background images on the web and violá, instant memories worthy of framing. Well, maybe not. But good enough for all you beautiful people out there!

Also this is a great way to get a picture with Santa without standing in line to sit on some old fat stranger. Plus this Santa is cuter than a the one at the mall, and further proof to your kids that Santa is not real. Yes remember, Jesus is the reason for the season.

We wish you a blessed Christmas.

Was there ever any doubt?

As I've said before, in between the naps, the blogs, the daydreaming and the eating... in my spare time I can be downright productive! Take this green logo contest I was fretting over back in September. Just when I thought it was a big joke, I come up with a design that beats out everyone else. Now I hear the natives are grumbling because they feel the designers have an unfair advantage.

Yeah, what can I say? I'm a trained professional and they're not. Sure it's unfair, but that's life. Do you think the world was happy in 1992 at Barcelona when the Dream Team entered the Olympics? Nope. But by 2004 at Athens, the once-undefeated USA team finished 5-3 with a bronze metal. So although now I'm doing some decent work, come 12 years later when I'm stressed out from raising teenagers and paying college tuition, no doubt I'll be relegated to designing bus signs and installing decals on trains.

In basketball you can train yourself to be a great shooter. But if you lack mental toughness and can't get into the paint, you will never shine. Same way with design, you can excel in all the software but if you don't have an eye for design, you'll struggle to say the least.

But even with a good eye, there's a lot more. Just like any other profession, you can only do great work if: 1) You're motivated. 2) You enjoy the process, and 3) You feel rewarded. This is what amazes me about the logo. I really had none of the three! Maybe I took it as a personal challenge to prove my bosses wrong – that I really do care (even though I really don't). Well whatever. It's done.

Here is a project that I applied all of the three factors. A couple weeks ago a friend emailed me a photo of their recent Hawaiian vacation. It was a beautiful family picture with the exception of a few "non-photogenic" people floating in the background. They wanted me to make the picture perfect. Knowing the husband, I originally searched for a picture of Bo Derek running... but alas, I settled for something more family-friendly. Click on photo for larger view.

Then last week another friend asked me to paste her kid's teacher on the body of Captain Kirk (um, okay. I don't need to know why). Oh yeah, and she wanted same-day turnaround. So although I'm a professional designer, in reality I'm just an online Photo-Mat for friends.

This is a heads-up before anyone else sends me a picture for alteration. Depending on my mood, I will edit as I see fit. It may also show up on my blog or maybe somewhere else. Who knows? You've been warned.

So back to the logo. If you're wondering about my prize for winning the contest, well I'm not expecting anything. Really I'm not. Remember this is a public agency where the directors make 6 figures and charge the staffers $20 for the Christmas party. Actually I'm lucky, I have a very kind and generous boss, unlike my buddy upstairs who works for Dr. Cheapomoto. So maybe I'll get a comp meal or maybe I'll get to go home half-hour early on Christmas eve. We'll see.

100

Can you believe this is my 100th post?? Back in January when I started this blog, I was worried I wouldn't have any content for a second post. But here I am 99 posts later. Wow! This is truly a milestone.

A heartfelt thanks to my original test audience of 10 friends from afar. You've suffered through 99 blogs and you keep returning! By far you have been my most loyal and resilient bunch! I would like to think that I'm still friends with most of you.

To the friends I see every Sunday, thanks for providing content for my blog. If it weren't for our interactions, I wouldn't have such interesting characters to write about. And if you haven't been mentioned on my blog yet, your time will come.

And to everyone else (whether I know you or not), I'm honored at your presence around my virtual soapbox. Whether it be boredom, devotion or just curiosity, I'm feeling the love.

You see, blogging helps flush the mental blockages out of my head (because my head can only hold so much). It's like that big bucket of water at Great America. It slowly fills up until it tips and spills tons of gallons over everyone. Some people await and enjoy it. Others are shocked but still find it amusing. And then there's a few that are angry for getting wet. Yeah, that's my blog. It affects everyone in different ways. Just don't say I didn't warn you.

Who knows how much longer I'll be blogging, but so far I haven't gotten tired of it. I have to admit, blogging can be hard work, but through it I've become closer to many of you – for that alone, it is clearly worth the effort. Also I've become closer to Chrissy (after finally allowing her to read mid way). In addition to our emails and text messages, my blog now fully completes all our communication needs. So the time we save not having to talk to each other we spend yelling at the kids!

I've written about this before, but I'd like to share this article again: 10 Reasons to Keep a Journal. I would like to encourage any of you itching to start a blog to give it a try. Treat it as a new year's resolution. You don't even need to share with anyone, just write as it comes. Have you read Stu's blog lately? He's been blogging since 2004 and only has 3 readers! And he don't care! Dude, I'm inspired big time!

And what about Mr. Al Young's Blog? Thanks to him, my money is spread among 8 bank accounts and 7 credit cards! You should read his blog while it's still authentic, because someday he'll be so rich he'll be paying someone else to blog for him!

And people like Patty and Dave who only blog twice a year... That's ok too. I'll be looking forward to next summer when they update again.

So thanks again for reading. And thanks for being a part of my life. The holidays are upon us and I'm hoping I will see many of you... because I'm always in need of content. :)

40

Yep. I woke up this morning and it definitely felt like 40. No lie. I felt much better yesterday morning. Thanks to my well-wishers for reminding me that my downhill spiral starts today.

My mind is already going because I can't think of anything to blog about. I have to resort to telling a joke. Sorry.

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb, and Quasimodo were all talking one day.
Sleeping Beauty said, "I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb said, "I must be the smallest person in the world."
Quasimodo said, "I absolutely have to be the most tacky, rude, crude, gross disgusting person in the world."
So they all decided to go to the Guinness Book of World Records to have their claims verified.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and came out looking deliriously happy. "It's official; I AM the most beautiful girl in the world."
Tom Thumb went next and emerged triumphant,"I am now officially the smallest person in the world."
Sometime later, Quasimodo comes out looking utterly confused and says, "Who the heck is Rosie O'Donnell?"

The Butterfly Song

When we first were told that Colby had to learn this song, I was thinking no way a 4-year old can sing this. There are too many verses, the words go really quick, and there's not enough repetition. But all credit to Teacher Kathy and her staff, Colby memorized it in no time. I guess I need to have a little more confidence in my kids.

In my previous post, you saw the Mother's Day performance video. In case you did not understand what they were singing, here is an encore solo performance by Colby (he's been singing it every day). No guarantee you'll understand the song any better, but he definitely adds a funky twist toward the end. Hopefully you'll get a good laugh. Poor Justine, these are the goofball brothers she'll have to depend on... sigh.