Jailbreak your iPhone

This Christmas I gifted the wife and myself two unlocked iPhones, courtesy of friends who like to upgrade. An unlocked iPhone makes sense for us because we want all the features of the iPhone but want to stick to our prepaid plan with zero monthly charges. Sure, with the lack of a data plan, it's not always fun looking for a wifi hotspot, but when we think of the $30 (each) we save every month, we realize it's a luxury we rather not pay for.

Since we've received our phones, many many of you have come to me asking for advice on either jailbreaking their phone, or getting an unlocked one. Somehow, a waiting list for people who want me to find them a used iPhone has already formed... I was going to write a tutorial, but even better, I found a great all-you-need-to-know-about-iPhone post at Simon's iPhone Blog and pasted it below. I've learned a lot from Simon!

So far I've already easily unlocked three iPhones and jailbroken three iPod Touches for my guinea pig friends. And their devices are still working to this day! Worst comes to worst, you can easily restore your iPhone in iTunes back to factory settings at any time. So if you're thinking of taking the plunge, I say go for it! Who says you can't record video on a 2g or 3g iPhone? or download physical files from YouTube? or create folders to organize your icons? or have five icons on the bottom?! You can on a jailbroken iPhone! And if you're thinking of upgrading your iPhone, please contact me, I know of several people readily waiting to buy your old iPhone.

Have a Happy New Year!

Get to know your iPhone with iPhone Tips

• Download 10 Great Tips for iPhone
• iPhone 3GS Tip: Use Digital Compass with Google Maps
• How to Disable iPhone Battery Icon and Show Battery in Percentage
• iPhone Tip: How to Use Conditional Call Forwarding
• Get to Know the iPhone Headset Shortcuts
• iPhone Tip: Understand Connection Icons in Status Bar
• 10 Tips to Improve Your iPhone Battery Life

Interesting iPhone Apps to Try Out

• Dragon Search for iPhone Lets You Search with Voice and it’s Free
• Use WiFiPhoto To Transfer iPhone Photos to Computer Wirelessly
• Zosh: Sign Document Right On Your iPhone
• Running with iPhone 3GS and Nike+
• Adobe Brings Photoshop.com Mobile to iPhone
• LogMeIn: Remote Control Your PC or Mac from iPhone
• Facebook 3.0 for iPhone

Jailbreaking Your iPhone
You may heard of the term “Jailbreaking” for iPhone. But what does it mean? Check out the articles to learn more how jailbreaking can make the most out of your iPhone. [Note: Jailbreaking is not a must. So, do read through the article before you take the action.]

• Why jailbreak? Top 5 Reason for jailbreaking iPhone
• What’s the difference between jailbreaking and unlocking?
• Complete Guide: Jailbreak and Unlock iPhone 3G/3GS 3.1.2 Using Blackra1n & Blacksn0w
• Complete Guide: Jailbreak and Unlock iPhone 2G 3.1.2 Using Blackra1n

iPhone Jailbreak Tips
You already plan to jailbreak your iPhone but encounter some issues. Here are a few tips that may help you out.

• How to Fix: Notes App Does Not Save My Note After iPhone Jailbreak
• How to Secure Your Jailbroken iPhone From SSH Hack
• How to Fix DiskAid or iPhone Browser Issue After Blackra1n Jailbreak
• iPhone Tip: How to Change iPhone Carrier Name Using FakeCarrier

Interesting Apps & Themes for Jailbroken iPhone
Okay, now you have already jailbroken the iPhone. Check out some of the interesting apps from cydia and Winterboard to make your iPhone stand out from the crowd.

• Beautiful SnowFall Widget to Make Your iPhone Snow
• Never Miss this Great Winterboard Theme for iPhone – Acier
• Change iPhone SMS Background with Winterboard
• How to Install HTC Hero Theme on iPhone
• Another Great Winterboard Theme for iPhone – illumine
• BTstack Keyboard Hits the Cydia Store to Connect Bluetooth Keyboard and iPhone
• Download YouTube Video to iPhone with YourTube

Happy New Year! And enjoy your new phone and have a great start of 2010!

We wish you a Merry Christmas

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Ray's Annual Hotpot Party

Ray and I estimate we've been doing the hotpot party for 10 straight years now. (You can read my blogs about our 2008 and 2007 parties when Ted deep fried the turkey and Twinkies.) It all started with a few of us childless folks playing mahjong every weekend. We looked for any excuse to get four players together. Boy does time fly! Also it's hard to believe we've been taking this same group picture for the last three years (ever since I started blogging and using the Nikon).

Each year the group gets a little larger because somebody's family grows every year. But this year, even with the addition of Hope, our group actually got smaller! That's because thanks to cantata practice, both Chris and I lucked out and came family-free! Heehee!! It's such a relaxing experience when you don't have worry about cooking for and monitoring your kids!

Actually, there were more people. Two families missed the group photo session. One family had to get home in time for bedtime. I admire families that can routinely pull themselves away from all the fun and awesome desserts just to stick to a rigid self-imposed schedule (and even on a Friday night)! Wow, such discipline! The other family is the total opposite, came late and insisted I shoot them in the back and then Photoshop them into the photo. Am I the most accommodating friend or what?

The three momma-boys.

Everyone's happy after they are fed.

Owen had to sample everything in order to have a complete meal.

Had to snap this pic quick so that they too could stay on schedule.

Hope is thinking, "Yo dude I'm about to pass out. I'm still on Hong Kong time."

My circle of friends. Yes, we are easily entertained.

If you ever wonder why Patty carries such a large purse...
just be sure to stand back when she opens it.

It's like 50 degrees and the kids are in t-shirts and shorts. Strange family.

On Sunday, Ray shared about his upcoming mission to Uganda in January. Ray just completed an intense quarter of Spanish immersion in South America. He is now fluent in Spanish and can totally tell you what Dora says. I know all you proud Chinese parents think Mandarin is the proper thing to learn, but living in California (or Texas or Arizona), it's a no-brainer that Spanish is most valuable language to learn. Heck, had Ray come back a week earlier, I would've asked him to come tell my neighbor's gardener to stop blowing leaves into my yard.

To read more about Ray's adventures, please visit his blog: Don't Pee on My Campfire.

Privacy on Facebook

I ran across an interesting article yesterday concerning the privacy settings on Facebook. I think it's a good read for all people on Facebook, especially the overactive ones that constantly alert me that they are cooking dinner or doing laundry...

After reading this list, I'm going to start cutting down on all those mindless quizzes and freebie contests. And I'm gonna start segregating my friends into different groups because I know who the real friends are and who the "friend collectors" are. But I'll continue to snap pictures of people at parties, especially the popular people, you know, the ones with over 500 friends! I mean if you're gonna post unflattering pics, might as well shoot the people with the largest audience! Am I right? In fact, tonight I'll be attending a party where just three of the people alone have a combined 2000 friends! Stay tuned.

So if you want to stay out of people's view, but still want to be on Facebook, here are some things to look out for as you take another look at your settings.

1. Some of your information is viewable by everyone.

Everyone can see your name, your profile photo and the names of work and school networks you're part of. Ditto for pages you are a fan of. If you are worried about a potential employer finding out about a quirky fetish or unorthodox political leaning, avoid becoming a Facebook fan of such groups. You can't tell Facebook you don't want those publicly listed. Your gender and current city are also available, if you choose to specify them. You can uncheck "Show my sex in my profile" when you edit your profile if you don't want it listed, and you can leave "Current City" blank.

2. Your list of friends may also be public.

Facebook also considers your friends list publicly available information. Privacy advocates worry that much can be gleaned from a person's list of friends — even sexual orientation, according to one MIT study. But there is a way to hide the list. Go to your profile page and click on the little blue pencil icon on the top right of your box of friends. Uncheck "Show Friend List to everyone." Either way, those you are already friends with can always see your full list.

3. You can hide yourself from Web searches.

There is a section for "Search" under Facebook's privacy settings page, which is accessible from the top right corner of the Web site under "Settings." If you click the "Allow" box next to "Public Search Results," the information that Facebook deems publicly available (such as photo, fan pages and list of friends), along with anything else you have made available to everyone, will show up when someone looks up your name on a search engine such as Google. The stuff you've limited access to in your profile will not show up.

This is useful if you want people you've lost touch with, or potential work contacts, to be able to find your Facebook page. If you'd rather not be found, uncheck this box.

A second setting, controlling searches within Facebook, lets you refine who can find you once that person has logged on. Limit searches to friends only if you think you have all the friends you need and don't want anyone to find you when they type in your name to Facebook.

4. Beware of third-party applications.

Quizzes and games are fun, but each time you take one, you first authorize it to access your profile information, even if you have made that available only to your friends. You're also letting the app access some information on your friends.

Under "Application Settings," Facebook lists all the apps you have opened your profile up to. If you no longer want to authorize access to "Which Golden Girl Are You?" you can always remove it by clicking on the "X" next to its name. Apps you use regularly, such as Facebook for Android if you update your status from your mobile phone, should stay.

Next, by clicking on "Applications and Websites" on the privacy settings page, you can edit whether your friends can share your birthday, photos and other specific information. Remember that applications can access your "publicly available information" no matter what.

The security firm Sophos recommends users set their privacy settings for two of Facebook's own popular applications, notes and photos, to friends only.

5. Go over your list of friends.

The average Facebook user has 130 friends. But many people interact with a much smaller group when commenting on status updates, photos and links. So it doesn't hurt to occasionally review your list of your friends to get an idea of just who can view your status posts, vacation photos and funny links you've shared over the years. Don't feel obligated to add anyone as a friend, even if that person adds you first. For professional acquaintance you don't want to snub, send them to a LinkedIn profile you can set up. Some workplaces and schools have rules about Facebook interactions between bosses and employees or students and teachers.

6. Create custom friends groups.

If you have friended a lot of people, sort them. Think of the groups you interact with in real life — co-workers, college buddies, girlfriends, grandma and grandpa — and organize your Facebook friends in these groups, too. Go to "All Friends" under the "Friends" button up top, click on "Create New List" and fire away. Then decide what aspects of your profile, and which status posts and photos, these people will have access to. Or, simply create a "limited" list for acquaintances or distant relatives and limit their access.

7. Customize your status posts.

Type "I'm hungry" into your status update box. Click on the little lock icon. You'll see a range of privacy controls pop up, letting you either allow or limit access to the post. If you want, you can even hide it from everyone by clicking "Only Me" under the custom settings. Click on "Save Setting." Repeat with each post, or create a default setting for most updates and increase or decrease privacy as you see fit.

8. Let your friends know you have boundaries — in person.

Many of us have woken up on a Sunday morning to find that an overzealous friend has posted dozens of photos from that wild party we barely remembered — the good, the bad and the hideous. Chances are, they didn't do this to embarrass you, though if they did you have bigger problems. Rather, they probably don't know that you don't want these photos posted. Sure, tweak your photo privacy settings on Facebook. But if someone starts snapping pictures of you at a party, ask them to check with you before posting it anywhere.

9. Never assume complete privacy.

Even for the most tech-savvy person, unflattering photos, incriminating text messages or angry status posts about work have a way of worming their way out in the open. Just saying.

Operation Chokehold this Friday

It's coming. This Friday at noon. If you have trouble accessing your data, don't say I didn't warn you. And if you're participating, have fun. I wish I could join you. Unfortunately, I'm on T-Mobile.

As an iPhone user, do you think it's a good idea? I'm curious to see what happens. But before you start feeling sorry for AT&T, keep in mind that they had $40 billion in revenues and $10 billion in profits just in the last nine months. I think they SHOULD invest a bit more in their network. Heck, I still can't get a cell phone signal at my house! HELLO!!!!



From Fake Steve:

On Friday, December 18, at noon Pacific time, we will attempt to overwhelm the AT&T data network and bring it to its knees. The goal is to have every iPhone user (or as many as we can) turn on a data intensive app and run that app for one solid hour. Send the message to AT&T that we are sick of their substandard network and sick of their abusive comments. THe idea is we’ll create a digital flash mob. We’re calling it in Operation Chokehold. Join us and speak truth to power!

From the Operation Chokehold website:

iPhone users in the United States are frustrated. We love our phones, but we hate the service. Dropped calls. Slow data. No data at all. No service at all. For some people, it's an everyday occurrence.

Dan Lyons, known to many as Fake Steve Jobs has come up with a simple solution: Show AT&T that we want change. In his description of Operation Chokehold, he encourages iPhone users around the country to overwhelm AT&T with data requests and bring down their 3G network.

Why? Because AT&T isn't doing anything about the problem...yet. They're continuing to provide us with bad service (which they have done little or nothing to improve), refuse to provide us with tethering (a service that almost every other carrier in the world does for free), and threaten to impose fines on users who actually make use of their service.

For those of us who use iPhones and rely on AT&T, we've had enough. It's time to show AT&T that it's time to suck it up and improve their stupid network.

Many people have complained about this campaign already, claiming that they need cell service in the case of an emergency or other need. Our response? Use a landline phone, or another carrier's phone. Those things still exist, right? AT&T calls us irresponsible, but in reality, it's them who have been irresponsible about the service that we pay them for.

YFC Christmas Party

Here are some photos from our annual YFC Christmas party. This year over 70 people showed up for $5 prime rib (although they were a few shameless people who were still hungry and went to mooch off the YAF party in the next room). We had a very fun and competitive treasure hunt this year. My team came in first, so we got to line up for food first! Woohoo!

Like any other YFC meeting, one moment everyone is fine, the next they just start getting wierd.

"Phone, keys, kids.... hmm, what else am I missing?"

30 pounds of prime rib and LOTS of gravy, courtesy of the of the SF Fongs.

"Unk Hunk" is what Justine calls him.

Josh-E makes his long awaited debut. That's a lot of hair for 11 weeks!
Unfortunately they were left starving because Myron's team came in last.

Future choir members.

Friday Fun: DudePerfect

Yes, it is all real. And better yet, they are all followers of Jesus. Read about their story and see more videos at their website.

http://dudeperfect.com/

Next Friday is Black Friday

Hard to believe Black Friday is just around the corner again. This will be my 3rd year blogging about it. You can read about my previous year's lessons that are still applicable today, HERE and HERE. Main rule of thumb: Do NOT go out alone! I recommend networking with several people and each of you hit a store with each other's shopping list. Go in pairs if possible so one can stand in line while the other shop.

To preview all the deals, I recommend TGIBlackFriday.com for the most comprehensive list.

Here are my favorite deals for 2009:

32" LCD TV at Target for $246
The best overall value for a HDTV. It was priced $399 last year.

500gb portable hard drive at Target for $59.88
The cheapest I saw this all year was around $90. Very convenient storage that won't require a power adapter. Great place to store all those videos you shoot with your digicam.

8gb flash drive at Staples for $12.99
Nice to have in your backpack in case your friend has a huge file for you.

8" Digital picture frame at Walmart for $29
For lazy people who never print their photos. Last year it was $40 everywhere.

Kenmore front loading washer and dryer for $579.98
We actually bought this last year as an impulse buy. It was backordered until February when we finally received it. We've been loving it ever since. This year they're only selling what they have in stock, so you'll have to go super early.

Samsung front loading washer and dryer for $999.98
This is a great deal if you need something bigger or missed out on the $579 Kenmores.

Craftsman 19.2v 4-pc drill/combo set for $69.99
Every man needs a drill. The saw is handy too. This is the cheapest I've ever seen by at least $40. If you buy it, I'll give you $10 for the flashlight. Note: This deal is for Thursday.

Pyrex 18-pc storage set for $12.88
We love these bowls. Because of BPA, we're moving away from plastics and going toward glass. Save on Saran Wrap.

44-piece emergency road kit for $9.99
At Walmart, the jumper cables alone are $15. Get one for each of your cars.

Perfect stocking-stuffer for the women in your life

Is this a great invention or what? It's called a FUD (Female Urination Device). So for all you women who ever experienced penis envy, this product is for you! No more standing in line. No more pulling out those seat liners. No more hovering over a filthy can. Just find a tree/bush/private corner and go, like God intended throughout the ages.

It even comes in a 3-pack, so get one for your sister, mother, daughter, whoever. Or keep an extra one in your backpack for those long bike rides, or in your glove compartment for those tailgate parties, or in your purse when those porta-potties are too disgusting... the scenarios are endless where this may come in handy.

I bet next year they'll introduce a deluxe model where the end has a nib where you can screw a plastic bottle into. Hmm, maybe I should suggest that to them.

LINK:
http://www.go-girl.com/

Halloween Freebies

For all you non-Halloween participants that will be missing out on all the free candy, here are a few destinations to feed your hungry monsters.
From the Chipotle Facebook page:

Come dressed like any item on the menu and receive a free meal! There is no catch.
Really all you need to do is wear a piece of aluminum-foil around your arm and you'll be eligible. However, the more you put into it the better!
They make take your picture and a possibility you could make it onto the website!
Spread the word :)

http://www.chipotle.com/email/09-all-005.htm

Almost free:

Google Voice is soooo cool!!

Oh no, not another phone number!! YES! But this is THE ONLY number you'll ever need to consolidate ALL your numbers. For now and forever on.

I'm so excited! I just signed up and got my free Google Voice phone number. I was given about 100 phone number choices in either Oakland or San Leandro (there were none available in the Hayward, Fremont or San Jose zip codes). There were also quite a few for the San Ramon 925 area code. Hopefully they'll add more as I'm sure they'll all get scooped up quickly.

During my first week I can already think of some great situations for Google Voice:

• For your unsuspecting spouse who thinks you go to work everyday but instead you're really playing golf.
• For Craigslist transactions: After the deal is done, you can block/screen their number in case they call back complaining about how the thing you sold them doesn't work.
• For your boss, your ex, your mother-in-law... so that when they call you, you can automatically kick them into voice mail.
• For all those business (banks, Priceline, Amazon, etc.). Sure, you want them to have your real number in case it's something urgent, but at the same time you're worried that they may use your number for solicitation.
• For your kids' school or any other place where they must reach you in case of an emergency.
• For that cute guy you met at Starbucks you wished you haven't given your number to after coming home, you Googled his name to find out he's a registered sex offender.
• To that nerdy salesman at BestBuy you agreed to exchange numbers with if he lets you use his employee discount.
• For that long lost friend you reconnected on Facebook that keeps wanting to get together but you're not sure if he/she is mentally stable.
• For anyone else you don't want to give out your real phone numbers.

I'm sure you can think of many other situations where Google Voice would be handy, like free calls to continental U.S. and Canada. From what I've tested so far, the sound quality is a lot better than Skype. I think the single best feature is that all voice mails are transcribed into and emailed to you as an incredibly accurate text message! Very cool! For kicks, I tried leaving a message in Cantonese. Unfortunately, it doesn't do translatation. It just attempts to transcribe into English sounding words. Pretty funny nonetheless. I wonder what would happen if you played some rap music...

Set up is a breeze, configuring everything online like you do your email. No more "Press 1 to continue in English". You can create groups and customize who gets through and who is forever banished to voicemail purgatory. All callers are prescreened with their recorded voice before you can can accept their call. It's like having a secretary answer all your calls. You really got to try it!

Currently there is a waiting list, so sign up for your invitation here ASAP. It took about three weeks for mine to arrive. In the near future I'll be able to personally invite three lucky souls to Google Voice. Soooo, you all can start sucking up to me at any time :)


LINK: GOOGLE VOICE

Social justice, ghetto style

WARNING: Lots of violence and obscenities. Turn down volume because action speaks louder than words.

This video was uploaded yesterday from the 10 a.m. Muni bus in SF Chinatown.

As someone who grew up in Oakland, I've been intimidated on the bus countless times. So to see someone fight back, I feel a sense of justice finally being served (30 years later). Like, finally... someone standing up to thug. I know this is a very rare occasion, and violence is never the answer, especially when the Bible tells us that vengeance belongs to the Lord and that we should turn the other cheek... But I do feel the need to defend ourselves and not be a doormat to the scum of the earth. So please forgive me for taking a little bit of pleasure in seeing the old Chinese lady open a can of whoop-a** on the unsuspecting aggressor – Like did I see a flying kick in there??

Now had this been in Oakland on AC Transit, and the roles were reversed, you know someone is gonna get killed. True that!

On the serious side, obviously an assault occurred. But Muni is more concerned in investigating why the driver didn't report the incident than the crime itself. Unbelievable! Oh yeah, and I hear a "significant number" of cameras on Muni buses don't work. Beware.

LINK: Matier and Ross

DIY Laminate Flooring

There was a weekend last month where I had a free Saturday. I was already headed out early to Chinatown that morning and I needed to kill some time while waiting for my mom's dental appointment. I decided to visit Sincere Hardware and before I knew it, I was jamming 11 boxes of laminate flooring into my compact car.

Prior to this visit, I had been doing some research on laminate flooring: checking out color selections, materials, prices, and watching a lot of YouTube installation videos. I was convinced that this was something I could do on my own. I already had most of the equipment, I just needed a pullbar and a pushcut saw for the door jams.

The cheapest laminate flooring was 7mm thick @ 99¢/sq. ft. This is the standard 12"x48" that is most common. It has a printed pattern and plank marks. One look and you know it is laminate. I never liked this look because as time goes, the supposed invisible crevices where the planks meet will gather dirt and will become very visible. If you ever go to Ikea, look at their sample floor that people walk on. It's filthy.

I decided to get the 5"x48" individual planks @ $1.59/sf. I liked how they meet together like real hardwood planks. The grooves are real grooves so they look a lot more like real wood. Plus they were a lot thicker at 12mm, which is more warp-resistant and has better sound dampening.

I could have gone with real wood for as little as $2.99/sf., but wood dents more easier. To test the resiliency on the store sample, try digging your fingernail into it. If it leaves a dent, then it's too soft. Most hardwood would resist denting to an extent. But if you go further and dig in your car keys, laminate holds up better. In my mind I already knew laminate was the way to go in terms of durability and cost, especially when you have a house full of kids.

After a whopping six hours to move all the crap out of the office, remove the carpet, remove the carpet tacks, remove closet doors, and pop off the base mouldings, I was spent. Man, I had no idea it would be that much work... and I had not even begun installation! I guess that's the price I pay for being spontaneous. And I can't stop now. I'm at the point of no return.

Once I started, it took over an hour to lay down just three rows of planks. Keep in mind that since I got 5" planks instead of 12", I more than doubled the workload – ughh. Later as my brother-in-law came over to help, we were able to do 10 rows/hour, woohoo! I did all the sawing while he hammered away. Too bad he was only there for one hour because once he left, the workflow slowed big time. Yes boys and girls, do not attempt this by yourself, or else you'll be in for a long, looooooong day.

As I reached the final row, things got a little tricky with the door jams and that's when I realized I should've started on the door side and moved toward the window. Doh! Oh well, live and learn. So after a little bit of improvisation and ingenuity, I completed the job. And I was even able to save one unopened box for return!

I love the new floors now. Much better than the white carpeting I constantly had to keep clean. The only bad thing is now my computer chair rolls too fast and keeps crashing into the desk. But all in all a wonderful improvement and a great learning experience. Would I want to do it again? Ahh, no.

Final Stats: 11'x16' room, 6 hours prep, 8 hours install, $398, and 4 bandaids.

Removing the carpet tack strips from the concrete was a big pain
(and the cause for at least one bandaid).
Removing the base moulding wasn't too easy either (another bandaid).
And to make life even harder, the carpet pad was glued down (a little foul language).

How the bare floor looks like. The drizzle marks are the glue holding the carpet padding.

At the end of the first day.

I had to finish in time for our Friday mahjong party.

Absolute sharks! What kind of people get that many good tiles so early in the hand?

I can live with a 27

Above is my newest piece of equipment, a HP 27" monitor. It is paired with my Apple 23" Cinema display. On the surface you may think it's a pretty sweet setup, but once you dig deeper, you'll understand why I'm not totally happy.

Here in the dungeon we have a five year upgrade plan for our computers. Each of us was given a $5000 allowance to upgrade our workstations. Yes, generous amount. But did you know that it was originally only $3500? They increased it only after I complained about how Major Mallrat spent $4700 on a screaming machine that she uses just for displaying her email! And then three months later another $2700 on a Macbook Pro so that she can display her email at the salon. Okay, I admit I may be exaggerating her shortcomings a wee bit. She also is quite capable of opening a PDF file on occasion and can click on a link to get to the web... In other words, she's a perfect candidate for a $400 peecee.

So I get 5000 of your tax dollars! Woohoo! What to buy? What to buy?!

I decided to settle on a Mac Tower 8-Core 2.26ghz for $3299 and a Dell 30" monitor for $1249. Total just under $5,000. The Major burnishes her saliva with her mystic medallion on the dotted line and the order is executed!

Enter Captain Insano.

Here is an updated photo of Captain Insano. She recently underwent a makeover in an attempt to make her look more human.

Captain Insano, being the micro manager of all micro managers, always feels the need to look at all expenses incurred in the underworld (although she conveniently ignores the salaries of herself and her axemen). She nitpicks about EVERYTHING! When I scrape my knees on the cobblestone floor or if the rusted shackles cut into my ankles, she'll feel the need to take inventory of the bandaids I use. That's how anal she is!

So she sees my monitor arriving at the docks and immediately inquires with the Major about it. Together they decide to ship it back and blindly pick the above $350 HP 27" (with horrible specs) instead. Then in a total reversal, the Mallrat has the gall to come to me and say, "I had a feeling she wouldn't go for it..." Huh?? It's already been budgeted for!! You spit-sealed the paperwork!! And it already got delivered!! Talk about being twofaced! Good thing for my self control or else I would've grabbed the closest dead rat in my cell and chucked it at both her brown noses!

Captain Insano reasoned that the 30" is too bright and would lessen the gloomy vibe in our dungeon. She also says it eats up too much energy and may strain the torturous effectiveness of the electric chair. As a good will gesture, she offers to move me to an even smaller cell so that I can sit closer to the monitor.

In an unexpected surprise, she then invites me to her private lair to show how she too has to deal with the current budget woes. There she demonstrates how she can get by just fine by using one candlelabra and the heat lamp in her python cage for lighting. She further confesses how she's unable to upgrade her crystal ball to the beachball sized one and how she hasn't sharpened the blade on the guillotine in months. "You ought to hear the wailing when it doesn't cut through on the first pass!" she jokes.

When her evil echoing laugh finally died, the Captain glares at me and cautiously reminds me that I should be happy with my situation. "Perhaps I have treated you unfairly," she prods. She then inquires if I've noticed the absence of Sargent Scrooge lately. I nervously nod my head as I try not to look at the puss oozing from her boil. She then reveals how she demoted and dispatched the Sarge because of her complaints. The Sarge is now in some far away unknown territory serving as the chief fleet mechanic. Unfortunately the wheels on their bus go Stomp and Stomp.


My heart began to pound as I pleaded her to spare me a similar fate. With a flash of mercy, she says to me, "You can live." And orders the axemen to drag me back to the dungeon.

Back in my cell I realize that I should just be happy with what I have, and to not dwell upon what I almost did get but got sent back before actually getting it by my evil selfish oppressors. I mean life is pretty good here. We just got a new shipment of rat traps, and my neighbor with the B.O. problem is only here three days a week... And yes, a 27" monitor is still very nice, especially running extended desktop alongside a 23". With all that screen space, I can be pretty darn productive having four applications open at once, not having to click through layers of windows to find them. And it's so much easier to ignore emails if you can just glance at the sender and then blow them off. And when my 8-core arrives, I'll be able to work even faster!

Yes, life can be good if you change your perspective on things. I will always have my tormentors. But if I accept them for what they are (pompous, inept, power-hungry) and do what they demand of me (clean up their mess, perform miracles, read their minds), then we all can live, work, and play in harmony in our beautiful realm of destruction. Because I know life can be a LOT worse. They could make me work on a peecee!!

Oops, gotta go! The lights are flickering, which means the crystal ball powering up...

Disclaimer: Some or all of the characters may or may not exist in real life and can just be a figment of the author's imagination and varying frame of mind. Some story lines may have been altered and/or embellished for added entertainment value.

Family Day Today 4-8. Kids eat free.

Family Day 2009

The CRA is working with First Lady Maria Shriver to recruit restaurants for a statewide Family Day promotion Sept. 23. Family Day is celebrated in an effort to encourage families to spend quality time dining together.

To participate, your restaurant will offer a special Family Day promotion from 4 to 8 p.m. Sept. 23, either:

• a free child’s meal with the purchase of an entrée (limit two per table) OR
• a free entrée for a child with the purchase of an adult entrée (limit two per table).

Two options are available to accommodate restaurants that don’t offer a children’s menu and still want to participate in this promotion.

Participating Family Day restaurants
(California only - I see El Pollo Loco and Pasta Pomodoro on there!)

LINK

If you can't make it out tonight, you can visit Boston Market until October 31 and get your free kids meal there.

LINK

Sink or Swim?

Last month we attended a few swim parties. It seems like water parks are becoming more and more popular nowadays. Even public parks have free water play areas now (and I thought we were in a drought). Below are some photos from our YFC swim social and Jarod's birthday party in San Ramon.

When I was growing up, I loved playing with water. But water fun was limited to water guns and balloons. If you had a rich friend, then you could use their pool. Otherwise the only other option is the public pool. The pool near my house was Dimond Park where rumors were that it also served as a public urinal. I believed it then and I still believe it now.

If you are Chinese and you grew up in Oakland, chances are you don't know how to swim. The few exceptions are: (1) had wealthy parents who could afford private lessons, and (2) overseas born and already used to swimming in filthy waters (FOB).

At Oakland High School, there were only two determining factors to taking swim class: you either had to be real fobby or real ghetto to be in there, nothing in between. Oh how I still remember how the brothas used to snap the towels at the unsuspecting fobbies as they ran to and from the showers. No way I was gonna subject myself to that abuse. And since swimming was not a requirement, none of my smart friends took swimming either.

To those of us that can't swim, isn't swimming just soooo overrated?? If you're over 5 feet tall, 90% of all fun at water parks do not require the ability to swim. So unless you're training for the olympics or a job at Sea World, why learn? I mean what are the chances you're gonna fall off a boat or a bridge? (Provided the fall didn't kill you already or the sharks haven't eaten you.) Fact is, if there is an accident and you're dropped in the ocean, you're gonna die. Caught in a riptide? You're gonna die. Swept away in a hurricane? You're gonna die. Sure if you can swim, you won't die immediately, but you'll die eventually. God's timing is inescapable.

I don't think I've missed out that much in life not knowing how to swim. Sure I don't dare surf, jetski, or drop the cannonball, but I've been quite content eliminating all extreme sports from my recreation list. And now that my life is well into its second half, I'll probably need the pool more for physical therapy than fun.

Also back in the 80's, suntanning by the pool was hip while sunscreen was nonexistent. So to all my Bain de Soleil cocoa-butter buddies, look out, because melanoma may soon be knocking at your door!

Now this doesn't mean I'm preventing my kids from swimming, not at all. I want them to be a part of whatever fun their friends are having and to never feel left out. It's not their fault their dad grew up next to a ghetto and was deprived his entire childhood. I've learned to live without certain luxuries that other people take for granted. I've made my sacrifices so they don't have to. Isn't that what being a parent is all about? To unselfishly make their lives better than your own? I expect them to not just learn how to swim, but to excel in it through their adolescence. Because who knows? If someday I actually do fall off a boat, I'll need them there to save me!

Is it true that if someone breaks the water first, the second person has a softer entry?

Cannonballs away!
Note: All swimmers above either came from the burbs or private schools.

Bok Duck and Baby Duck. Patrick also graduated from OHS. I think sink.

Another OHS graduate. I think sink.

I taught Cameron good, as I filled my water gun with ice cubes before shooting him.

Future olympians, whale trainers, or Cirque de Soleil performers.

All Tangs on deck! Jarod turns one.

Who got the cocoa butter?

Gilroy Gardens for under $10

Link: Gilroy Gardens

Gilroy Gardens is probably one of the more wholesome family-oriented places you can take your small children. No foul-mouthed greasy punks, ghetto bangers, or teenage moms like at Great America or Six Flags. Just proper families with polite and obedient children like yours and mine :)

And now is the best time to go since the weather is cooling down because Gilroy can get plenty hot. We go at least once a year. And we always like to go with other families. That way, someone else can watch and entertain your kids while you sneak off and eat garlic fries by yourself (you know who you are).

Below are some photos from our last trip there this summer.

Most of the rides had zero lines, you just walk on (over and over again).

No gangbangers, but Asian drivers everywhere!

The view from atop the ferris wheel. "Daddy, something hit me on top of the head..."

The future greasy teens and ghetto bangers.