Progress is made

As promised, here is the final printed cover of our Progress Report. Looks familiar, doesn't it? You're thinking, "Didn't Captain Insano hate it?" Yep, she sure did. So what happened?

When I last left off, I was tied in this 3-legged race with a fellow return-from-the-dead designer and we were going nowhere. After a few fruitless collaborations, we decided to just separate and work on our own. Good thing.

Without being tainted by my superior design experience individual style, the other designer instantly created a cover the Captain truly loved. It was a montage of people, families, children, all smiling and enjoying life in the great outdoors. I found it strange that the Captain would gravitate toward this cover since it was not a lifestyle she exemplifies. But it seemed to have created a soft spot in her rigid demeanor. My guess is that the cover is like the Mirror of Erised from Harry Potter.

In the Mirror of Erised ("desire" spelled backwards), people will see whatever their hearts desire to see. In Harry's case, he longed to see his parents so he would spend hours in front of it dreaming of how life could have been. In the Captain's case, in that cover she saw a reflection of what she yearned for... an exuberant life with loving family and cheerful friends joyously romping outdoors under the bright sun. She saw herself being sociable and warmhearted and gentle – a total reverse from the horrible creature she has become. In that cover, she found a life she had long forgotten. In that cover, she found her own personal Mirror of Erised.

Wiping away her acid tears of sentimental bliss, she took off in her warcraft to visit Godfather Merciless, destined to sell this cover to him. Moments later, the walls shook and my shackles began to rattle again, as loose pebbles rained upon the scattering mice in my cell. Yep, you guessed it. The Godfather hated it! "What is this?! How dare we distort our clientele!! No happy family would ever ride our transit system!! Where's the homeless people and the teenage moms??!!" He warns the Captain that this is now two strikes. A third strike would result in complete annihilation!

The Captain returned dumbfounded and speechless. We feared who she would drag out back next. But she was too crushed and hurt... unable to raise her eyebrow and flare her nostrils to summon her python. For a moment, we felt kinda sorry for her as she sluggishly retreated to her cave. Sometimes when I walk past her cavernous den, I hear her soft sorrowful moans echo throughout the darkness. Something has changed.

So now what? The year is almost half over and we still don't have a cover design. Both the Sarge and Major were freaking out, frantically updating their resumes and stockpiling their bomb shelters. For they say, no one is safe from the wrath of the Godfather!

I live to tell of this...
The next day while I was dusting the cobwebs, I had an unexpected guest. It was the Godfather himself! He totally caught me by surprise! You see, normally I hear visitors coming way in advance because it's a long way down to the dungeon and I can hear them wheezing because the air is thin. Also sometimes they slosh or slip on the remains of the half-eaten designers. But the Godfather, unlike mortals, floats and drifts inconspicuously without warning. The only traces of him are a sudden chill on the back of your neck and a subtle stench of death.

As I tremble, trying not to look directly into his eyes, he stares and studies me but says nothing at all (I was later told he was reading my soul). He inspects my cell and evaluates my various mock-ups taped upon the concrete walls. He eyes one of my designs. I hear a sinister snicker. He snatches it and quickly floats away.


Later that evening at the assembly of the Enormously Vile Infamous Leaders (EVIL), the Godfather demands why he was not shown this design! The Sarge explains that she and the Major both loved that design, but since the Captain hated it, it never made it to his unholiness. With this revelation, the Godfather becomes enraged at the Captain and strips her of all artistic oversight. But little mattered, as the Captain, deflated and demoralized, no longer had any interest in our department. She now plans to refocus her efforts and torment another group.

So in the meantime, I was asked to do some minor tweaking, such as change out some photos and add more people to make our company seem more "human." Furthermore, I was permitted to go outside in the sun to take photos of fellow captives employees in our courtyard. Below are the individual photos I had to assemble to create the final cover.


Now that the job is finished, I am overjoyed. This was by far the most difficult project I've ever encountered – not to mention working with the absolute most difficult people too! With this project I realized the importance of my regular therapy sessions – which is known as my blog. To me, quietly typing out my frustrations is an incredible stress reliever. Sometimes, to take your job more seriously, you just need to step back and joke about it. Well, it may not work for everyone, but it works for me!

Disclaimer: All the facts presented here are not entirely accurate and some characters may be fictitcious and only exist in my imagination.

Related Link: Making Progress with the Captain