My Lego Universe

The first toy I ever owned as far back as I can remember were Legos. All the pieces then were mainly square or rectangle blocks in red, blue, yellow and white. I grew up playing Legos with my childhood friend Goff. I recall recreating aircraft carriers and battle scenes from our favorite movie, Midway. Then after 1977, we really had to use our imagination to make X-Wings and Tie Fighters as Star Wars hit the screen. Man, how I loved Star Wars and Legos!

Fast forward 35 years and I still love Star Wars and I still love my Legos. Maybe even more so because now I have the ability to buy any set I want, plus I share that love with my children. With so many to choose from every year, I really have to practice restraint whenever I'm shopping at Amazon. A typical Amazon shopping trip will go like this: First I'll place a $15-20 item in the cart, then I'll add a $40 Lego set to qualify for free shipping. Totally justifiable right?

I did not start collecting Legos until about six years ago when my boys started developing a deep interest in them. Since then, I've spent several hundred dollars every year buying Legos. Some we give away for gifts, some we buy used, and some are hidden away that no one will uncover until I'm dead. Make no mistake, these are my Legos. But don't feel sorry for my kids, they still get plenty with their birthdays and Christmas gifts, and certain sets I open just to get the minifigures. Together, it adds up to quite a bit. We have more Legos than anyone I know. The only problem that keeps coming up is where to display them.

After researching some ideas online, I purchased a 16x20 shadow box from Michael's on sale for $15. Using black foam core, I assembled a shelf for my minifigures. I glued in some 2x12 baseplates and voilà—instant storage display for my most prized characters. Inside the case they'll never get dusty, never taken apart, and never molested by curious, filthy fingers. I value my Legos.

Believe me, I could easily fill the entire case with minifigures, but my boys were already complaining that I confiscated way too many characters. Oh boohoo, Qui-gon Jinn me a river! So being the gracious and merciful father that I am, I limited myself to just 60 minifigures. To fill the extra space on top, I created a grid for the mini-ships from the Advent Calendars. And below I created a snow scene to display the holiday and Hoth characters. All in all, only 95 elements are represented.

You may question how I can spend so much on Legos. It's just a toy! Well, all normal guys have some sort of hobby, some sort of collection. Just like women, guys spend money on things they personally value, regardless of what others think. I see it this way: I don't buy new cars, I don't go to games or concerts, I don't ski, I don't do Starbucks or Quickly, I don't buy fashion sunglasses or shoes, I don't buy video games or Blurays, and I don't have monthly cable or cell phone bills. If you think about your monthly budget for those items, it comes out to a lot of money, and a lot of Legos! Plus, you know I'll never pay full prices.

In this noisy day and age of video games, social media and ADHD, Lego is a quiet welcome alternative that not only spurs creativity, but also encourages problem-solving skills. You can play both on your own and with a friend. But to me, the absolute number one best thing about playing with Legos: Lego-time is time with my kids.

Time flies, and I'm already dreading that day when I'll have to pack all the Legos away. It will be a sad moment for me. Hopefully when they have kids of their own, they'll look back at this time and cherish the things we built together. I hope they'll realize how lucky they were having an awesome, nutty Lego-fanatic dad such as me. And if I'm still alive to play with my grandchildren, maybe, just maybe, I'll unearth those extra-special sets I've been saving...

We'll see.

10 tips for becoming a happier parent

Great reading from the Mommy Files on SFGate.
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1) Talk about something besides kids with your friends. Friends are key to survival when you're a parent. They listen, provide support, make you laugh, give your family a place to go on Friday nights, and help you get into preschool. They also cause a lot of unnecessary angst because when you're a parent it's nearly impossible to not compare your parenting with that of your friends' and conclude that you're doing something wrong.

One of the best ways to combat these feelings of hurt is to lighten up on the conversations about sleep schedules, preschool admissions, and chemical toxins that are causing autism, cancer, ADHD. Do you really need to know all the details of how your friend puts her kid to bed at 6 p.m. on the dot every night? It'll just make you feel crappy about your own child's erratic bedtime.

That said, conversations about kids among friends are crucial and make you feel like you're not alone--but it's healthy for your relationship if you can talk about other things: books, celebrities, politics, raising chickens. Whatever it takes to move on from a conversation about which plastic toys contain BPA.

I recently got my hair cut and the stylist asked, "What books are you reading right now?" It was such a refreshing question...I can't remember when someone last asked me that. The sad thing is that I had to reply, "Nurture Shock."

2) Put down that parenting book. These days there's a right and a wrong way to parent. There's a right way to tell your child there's an error in his homework. There's a right way to teach your child to share. There's a right way to potty train, sleep train, discipline...and the list goes on. And there are books filled with advice on how to these things the right way--and if you read all of these books you will drive yourself crazy. You will question every move you make and fret over every mistake. I know...I have read a lot these books.

Of course, these books serve a purpose and come in handy at times, but you also need to trust your instincts. You know more than you think and the key to parenting isn't in a book (or in a blog)--it's in your heart.

3) Skip birthday parties. If you're going to three birthday parties and crossing more than one bridge in one day, you have a problem. I don't care how popular your kid is and how many friends he has, but you should never spend your entire Saturday watching children bang bats at pinatas and talking to moms about whether Noe Valley Bakery or Mitchell's Ice Cream makes better children's birthday cakes (although I have to admit this is a favorite topic of conversation of mine).

A proper Saturday involves a nap, a good book, a family bike ride or hike, a shared pot of tea with a neighbor, and a lovemaking session (with your partner) while the kids are watching a DVD.

4) Have sex--lots of it. Any therapist will tell you that a happy marriage--hey, a happy life--includes sex. That means more than once a month between periods--that means several days in a row so you can perfect technique and get the juices running.

About one in every four Americans married or living with someone say they are so sleep-deprived that they are often too tired to have sex, according to the New York Times. That Saturday nap should help.

And if you can't possibly stir up enough energy for some lovin, then at least roll over and give your partner a kiss goodnight before you fall asleep.

5) Read a book (not a parenting one) at the park. I mainly see two types of parents at the park. Those who are madly trying to respond to work emails on their iPhones and those who are fully engaged with their kids, pushing them on the swing, playing tag, digging in the sand. Oh and of course those who are chatting it up with other parents about how to get your kid into the best preschool or kindergarten. (And yes, I do all of these things regularly.)

Why not give yourself a break from all of this and bring a book to read while your kids play on the monkey bars? Of course, this isn't an option with a 2-year-old but once your child is 4 or 5 he should be able to play independently for at least 20 minutes so you can read that final chapter of "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest."

6) Hang out with childless friends. Right after you have a baby, you avoid childless friends like the plague...at least I did. I'm not sure why. Maybe I feared that I'd feel jealous of their freedom or maybe I was afraid they couldn't relate.

That was a mistake because once I started reconnecting with those friends I realized that they are the best cure for parenting overload. And no, it's not because they can drink more wine. My parent friends are actually heavier drinkers than my kidless friends (wonder why that is?). It's because they know how to talk about things outside of kids. They actually read the "New York Times" beyond the homepage, see movies in theaters, listen to the latest music, and have travel plans beyond going to Hawaii and Tahoe.

And if you want to talk about your kids, these childless friends listen and admire you for trying to be such a good parent, rather than giving you the name of a great child psychiatrist or telling you that you should read such and such parenting book.

7) Get rid of toys. A girlfriend once told me that she had to see a therapist because she became addicted to sorting her kids' heaps of toys into the right bins. She'd spend hours meticulously putting the Legos, the Lincoln Logs, the action figures, and the plastic food pieces into the appropriate bins neatly stacked in a giant Pottery Barn shelving unit. The scary thing was that I remember thinking that if I had a therapist, I'd probably bring up the same topic because I was also obsessed with toy sorting. The rest of my house was a complete and total disaster but the toys were always organized.

Bottom line: Our kids have way too many toys--and it's overwhelming for your kids to keep them organized and you shouldn't waste your precious, little time doing so. We're all drowning in plastic even though we hold no-gifts birthday parties and pass out potted plants as party favors. The toys are causing us stress so don't be afraid to empty some of those toy bins into a garbage bag with stuff and donate it to a preschool or a children's hospital.

8) Pull your child out of at least one organized activity. Your child doesn't need to master the violin, learn to swim all four strokes, perform in a dance recital at the Center for Performing Arts, paint like Picasso, and sing like Barbra Streisand all before age 10. Yes, it's tempting to throw your kids into a million activities because in the Bay Area there are so many cool things kids can do--from organic cooking classes to mommy and me yoga. But have you ever noticed that driving from La Petit Baleen in the Presidio and then rushing to get to Art Works in time for that 6:30 p.m. class is a little exhausting? I have.

Give yourself--and your kid--a break. Your children can still learn to play the guitar in middle school.

9) Sleep, exercise, eat healthy. If you're a parent, you're probably not getting enough sleep. In fact, you're probably walking around like a zombie. The average adult needs at least 71/2 hours every night, according to the Huffington Post, and most parents, especially working moms, aren't getting this. Make sleep a priority.

Also, if you can, make exercise a priority--even a quick walk around the block will help clear the mind, burn a few calories, and air you out.

And finally, try to eat healthy. You probably feed your kids organic blueberries and yogurt for breakfast or at least a bowl of cereal--but what are you eating?

10) Say "no"--and don't feel guilty. It's OK if you don't want to play babies, Barbies, Bionicles, Storm Troopers...You can say no and not feel like you're being a bad parent. Yes, it's important to play and interact with your kids but they also need to learn to entertain themselves. Sit on the couch. Paint your nails. Make a pot of tea. Do something for yourself while enjoying the sounds of your little one playing on his own.

And finally, I'll leave you with this fact from David Code, author of "To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First": "Studies show today's parents spend more time with their kids, and yet today's kids don't seem happier, more independent or successful."

No longer Hopeless!

Today I received some photos of Grace and Owen's newest family addition from an anonymous source. I checked their blog, O, Grace, Faith & Hope, but no pictures!! What's up with that?? They probably didn't post them because of privacy issues. So please allow me!

If you're just now learning of the Lee family's adoption journey, you've come just in time. They are still in China right now so they still need lots of prayers with their daily challenges (like finding a real toilet and getting rid of that fish smell). I invite you to visit their blog right now and catch up on their exciting adventure before it's too late! Because once they come home, they'll be boring like the rest of us.

Congratulations Lee family!

Link: O, Grace, Faith & Hope

Cool outfit. Like one of those lion dance costumes.

Special delivery. Just like FedEx, you have to sign for it.

Hope and Faith, with lots of love!

The orphanage director explaining the No Return policy.

Stop the hacking

It started a few weeks ago with baby. Then the boys got it, and now Chrissy has it. Everyone in the house (except for me) is hacking. It seems like at the end of a cold, the coughing just lingers on and on forever. And of course they still continue to eat ice cream, oranges and ice water. Last night I told Chrissy that I read about a better cure for coughing. She asked what it was and I told her to be sure to read my blog tomorrow!

With the recent warnings about cold medicine and young children, we've been a bit reluctant to give our kids much of anything. We just let them suffer. As for the adults, my mom loves the DM, Chrissy the CF and I love the Guaifenesin with codeine. Dustin hates all medicine, but Colby loves it. He think it's candy.

So I was thrilled to hear about a product proven to be a better alternative to cough medicine – Honey! Read article here. That's great news! No need to worry about overdosing and forcing them to take it. It's something they already like. Now my only question is where to find buckwheat honey. Trader Joe's maybe?

The study, published Monday in the Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, found that children who received a small dose of buckwheat honey before bedtime slept better and coughed less than those who received either a common over-the-counter cough suppressant (dextromethorphan) or nothing at all.

This study is making big news. If you Google the story, you'll find a ton of articles about it. They say a tablespoon of honey 30 minutes before bedtime should do it. For me I prefer a bowl of honey with a bucket of Popeye's chicken :p But I suspect that would worsen the cough.

Trick or Treat?

On Sunday a friend asked me if I allowed my kids to go trick or treating. Their family does not celebrate Halloween at all. They say to start them young. If you never let them celebrate to begin with, they'll never miss it. After all, we are Christians and we should not glorify a holiday that clearly has satanic overtones.

In a way I agree with them and wished that my boys were as mature as their kids, willing to refrain from such tempting secular traditions and peer pressure. But Dustin attends a public school where Halloween is a big deal – complete with parade – so it would be unnecessarily cruel to not let him participate with his friends (plus since we both work, we would need Mr. Al Young to take him home). On the other hand, Colby's preschool is run by one of the biggest Christian churches in the bay area and they celebrate also. They may not call it Halloween, but kids are dressed up and I'm sure he'll come home with candy. Their only requirement is that the costumes should be of biblical or positive characters. Colby is dressed as Superman this year (we'll see if he gets sent home early).

So are we bad parents? Are we tempting our children down a path of darkness disguised with fun and candy? Are we blessing an activity that reflects poorly on our judgement? Honestly we've had this debate when deciding whether or not to pass out candy.

I think it's much more than just Halloween. We need to have faith in our children. We need to trust that they will make the right decisions in life and to discern right from wrong. To be selective of what friends to have and to know what is acceptable and non-acceptable in the eyes of God. But of course to do that we must constantly fill them with biblical teachings, honesty and love. Fortunately for us, our boys really love church and cherish the friendships they've developed. And Colby especially loves to pray and sing everyday. Unfortunately, this won't last forever. As they get older, they will be exposed to much more of what's evil in this world and neither I or Chrissy will be there to monitor them. So for now we can only steer them in the right direction and hold them accountable for their actions. This will train them toward a more independent life which we pray will carry on to adulthood.

So back to Halloween. I've been searching the web and 90% of them say Christians should not be celebrating it at all. They suggest offering "alternative" celebrations such as Harvest Festival but I know of none around here. Also these people warned more about embracing parties focused on wickedness, rather than just little kids dressing up to get candy. As you know on the web, views and beliefs run the full spectrum, but for a more contemporary viewpoint for our own situation, I'll end with a quote from Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family:

Whereas it can be argued that Christmas is a Christian holiday with Christian origins that has suffered the effects of growing secularism, Halloween can be traced to distinctly pagan sources. It is reasonable, then, that many believers would find some aspects of its celebration disturbing. I agree with them in that regard. The traditional emphasis upon the occult, witches, devils, death, and evil sends messages to our kids that godly parents can only regard with alarm. There is clearly no place in the Christian community for this “darker side” of Halloween.

Even here, however, there is a place for some harmless fun. Kids love to dress up and pretend. If the Halloween experience is focused on fantasy rather than the occult, I see no harm in it. Make costumes for your children that represent fun characters, such as Mickey Mouse or an elderly grandmother, and then let them go door-to-door asking for treats. This side of Halloween can be thoroughly enjoyable for the little ones.

Let me add, again, that I’ve given you my personal opinion. I realize that the topic is controversial among committed Christians, and I’m sensitive to the reasons for their misgivings. My final word to parents on the subject would be “Stay true to your own convictions.”

More familiar faces

Two weeks ago I was at Silver Dragon attending the wedding luncheon for Sam Lau and his wife Charis (pronounced "charr-us" like charcoal or char siu-bow). I don't know Sam too well but his dad is legendary Bill Lau. We're related as inlaws. Bill's brother Daniel married my sister. The funny thing is that I remember some 30+ years ago, I was sitting in almost the exact spot for Bill's wedding luncheon. At that time I had no idea why people were clanking their plates. Anyway, I'm sure I'm not the only one that was there 30 years ago. And of course I see all kinds of XCI people like all the former pastors (Wong, Liu, Loh).

At our table was most-eligible-bachelor Wingate. I see him at many parties but each time I never remember him as being bald, so it's always a shock. Maybe he's had really really short hair all along, and each time I've seen him, it's gotten 1/16 inch shorter. Or maybe I'm confusing him with his brother Winford, who has lots of hair. I dunno. Well at least this time I have his picture to compare to the next time I see him. He's still at Caltrans (govt. employee), going on 14 years. He's already excited about his retirement. I think he said 80% at 55.

So as we're leaving, who do I see as I pop out of the elevator? XCI Steve Kwok! The last time I saw Steve was at Albertsons five years ago. He's married with 2 young boys and lives in CV.

Back in the day I remember riding in his white Ford Maverick cruising through Oakland to get Winchell donuts. (It was either his car or Dave's Dodge Dart). We used to go on donut runs after Ichthus, and all the Winchells were in the blackest part of Oakland, each being run by a single Asian guy. We used to call the guys Kwok-Tran and Limey Louie (I forgot which one was who). They were always delightfully shocked to see a car full of Asians in their part of town at midnight. We sometimes even got an extra donut!

48 hours House Arrest
I was off the last two days, staying at home doing kid duty because my mom (aka babysitter, cook, dishwasher, security guard, etc) is on her annual pilgrimage to Vegas this week. We pulled Dustin out of daycare and invited his best friend over. And then Colby protested, demanding to stay home too. And Justine (10 months) is now mobile and picking up stuff which means no napping on the job. Sigh. I'm just glad to be back at work today to get some rest.

Homeschooling

I know 7 families that homeschool their kids, 2 of which, has 4 kids! To them I'd like to say I salute and envy you. I've always wanted Chrissy to homeschool our kids. But when I first mentioned it to her, I quickly realized that she's not that kind of mom. Then during my 4 years of unemployment, I thought maybe I could do it. But that's when I realized I'm not that kind of dad. Homeschooling takes lots of dedication and TONS of patience, clearly something we're not capable of (although I must admit, I'm quite good at P.E.). I revisited this idea during my recent vacation. I often felt Dustin needed additional homework whenever he complained that he was "bored." Truth be told, I just wanted him to do something quiet so I can take a nap.

Dustin started summer vacation this week. He's enrolled in summer school on certain weeks, but we cannot afford to send him throughout the summer, especially when we're already sending Colby to preschool full time. So there will be many long and boring afternoons where he'll be home with grandma watching tv, playing with legos and doing typical kid stuff. Too bad we're not home because with no school and Colby out of the house, this would be the perfect opportunity to homeschool him without distractions. But with both of us working, we cannot be there to motivate him or monitor his time. What he needs is some pre-planned learning material that will let him work independently.

Learningpage.com
I've been googling some homeschooling resources and hit paydirt with this amazing website, Learningpage.com. It's filled with worksheets, lesson plans, full story books, coloring pages and projects covering PreK to Grade 3. All are downloadable as PDF files. Subjects cover the alphabet, calendar, money, time, measurement, and senses. They have themed pages in animals, dinosaurs, insects, space, etc. And they have monthly sets of printouts that focus on seasons and holidays. All in all, literally over a thousand pages you can print out! Have that new toner cartridge on standby! You will have to become a member in order to access the files, but it's painless and did I say FREE?!

This week I started Dustin on the story book series, Tommy Tales. Each book is only 15 pages, but the worksheets that follow are quite in-depth. They study the characters and story to make sure you understood everything. They further work on nouns, synonyms, wordsearch and more. 20 pages in all! Enough to keep him occupied for a few hours. When he's done, we'll move onto the next book. There are 34 in all. If he gets "bored" he can do some math or science worksheets, or just color. I think he's been enjoying them so far. We'll see how it goes. He knows if he's good, he'll get rewarded with quality time with dad (video games).

Storynory.com
Back when Dustin was in kindergarten, one of his nightly homework assignments was to have a parent read to him. I often struggled with this because it takes a lot of effort to find a book that's not too long, not too short, not too easy, not too complicated, and one that we haven't already read. And many times because of fatigue, you'll frequently hear me yawning between the sentences (yes, my enthusiasm is quite apparent). So here's a great website I wish I had discovered earlier, Storynory.com.

Storynory.com is a free website full of children's stories, well over 100 of them. They even have a few Bible stories. All the text is printed on the page but the BEST part is that you can listen to it being read to you by this British gal, Natasha. Her English accent may take a little getting used to, but after 6 seasons of Simon Cowell, it shouldn't be a problem. And did I tell you that all the audio files can be downloaded as MP3 podcasts via iTunes? And that it's all FREE?! Wow! Now you have a great excuse to get a new iPod if you don't already own one. Hmm, I may need to upgrade too... Just remember, you're doing it for the kids :)