I can live with a 27

Above is my newest piece of equipment, a HP 27" monitor. It is paired with my Apple 23" Cinema display. On the surface you may think it's a pretty sweet setup, but once you dig deeper, you'll understand why I'm not totally happy.

Here in the dungeon we have a five year upgrade plan for our computers. Each of us was given a $5000 allowance to upgrade our workstations. Yes, generous amount. But did you know that it was originally only $3500? They increased it only after I complained about how Major Mallrat spent $4700 on a screaming machine that she uses just for displaying her email! And then three months later another $2700 on a Macbook Pro so that she can display her email at the salon. Okay, I admit I may be exaggerating her shortcomings a wee bit. She also is quite capable of opening a PDF file on occasion and can click on a link to get to the web... In other words, she's a perfect candidate for a $400 peecee.

So I get 5000 of your tax dollars! Woohoo! What to buy? What to buy?!

I decided to settle on a Mac Tower 8-Core 2.26ghz for $3299 and a Dell 30" monitor for $1249. Total just under $5,000. The Major burnishes her saliva with her mystic medallion on the dotted line and the order is executed!

Enter Captain Insano.

Here is an updated photo of Captain Insano. She recently underwent a makeover in an attempt to make her look more human.

Captain Insano, being the micro manager of all micro managers, always feels the need to look at all expenses incurred in the underworld (although she conveniently ignores the salaries of herself and her axemen). She nitpicks about EVERYTHING! When I scrape my knees on the cobblestone floor or if the rusted shackles cut into my ankles, she'll feel the need to take inventory of the bandaids I use. That's how anal she is!

So she sees my monitor arriving at the docks and immediately inquires with the Major about it. Together they decide to ship it back and blindly pick the above $350 HP 27" (with horrible specs) instead. Then in a total reversal, the Mallrat has the gall to come to me and say, "I had a feeling she wouldn't go for it..." Huh?? It's already been budgeted for!! You spit-sealed the paperwork!! And it already got delivered!! Talk about being twofaced! Good thing for my self control or else I would've grabbed the closest dead rat in my cell and chucked it at both her brown noses!

Captain Insano reasoned that the 30" is too bright and would lessen the gloomy vibe in our dungeon. She also says it eats up too much energy and may strain the torturous effectiveness of the electric chair. As a good will gesture, she offers to move me to an even smaller cell so that I can sit closer to the monitor.

In an unexpected surprise, she then invites me to her private lair to show how she too has to deal with the current budget woes. There she demonstrates how she can get by just fine by using one candlelabra and the heat lamp in her python cage for lighting. She further confesses how she's unable to upgrade her crystal ball to the beachball sized one and how she hasn't sharpened the blade on the guillotine in months. "You ought to hear the wailing when it doesn't cut through on the first pass!" she jokes.

When her evil echoing laugh finally died, the Captain glares at me and cautiously reminds me that I should be happy with my situation. "Perhaps I have treated you unfairly," she prods. She then inquires if I've noticed the absence of Sargent Scrooge lately. I nervously nod my head as I try not to look at the puss oozing from her boil. She then reveals how she demoted and dispatched the Sarge because of her complaints. The Sarge is now in some far away unknown territory serving as the chief fleet mechanic. Unfortunately the wheels on their bus go Stomp and Stomp.


My heart began to pound as I pleaded her to spare me a similar fate. With a flash of mercy, she says to me, "You can live." And orders the axemen to drag me back to the dungeon.

Back in my cell I realize that I should just be happy with what I have, and to not dwell upon what I almost did get but got sent back before actually getting it by my evil selfish oppressors. I mean life is pretty good here. We just got a new shipment of rat traps, and my neighbor with the B.O. problem is only here three days a week... And yes, a 27" monitor is still very nice, especially running extended desktop alongside a 23". With all that screen space, I can be pretty darn productive having four applications open at once, not having to click through layers of windows to find them. And it's so much easier to ignore emails if you can just glance at the sender and then blow them off. And when my 8-core arrives, I'll be able to work even faster!

Yes, life can be good if you change your perspective on things. I will always have my tormentors. But if I accept them for what they are (pompous, inept, power-hungry) and do what they demand of me (clean up their mess, perform miracles, read their minds), then we all can live, work, and play in harmony in our beautiful realm of destruction. Because I know life can be a LOT worse. They could make me work on a peecee!!

Oops, gotta go! The lights are flickering, which means the crystal ball powering up...

Disclaimer: Some or all of the characters may or may not exist in real life and can just be a figment of the author's imagination and varying frame of mind. Some story lines may have been altered and/or embellished for added entertainment value.

Family Day Today 4-8. Kids eat free.

Family Day 2009

The CRA is working with First Lady Maria Shriver to recruit restaurants for a statewide Family Day promotion Sept. 23. Family Day is celebrated in an effort to encourage families to spend quality time dining together.

To participate, your restaurant will offer a special Family Day promotion from 4 to 8 p.m. Sept. 23, either:

• a free child’s meal with the purchase of an entrée (limit two per table) OR
• a free entrée for a child with the purchase of an adult entrée (limit two per table).

Two options are available to accommodate restaurants that don’t offer a children’s menu and still want to participate in this promotion.

Participating Family Day restaurants
(California only - I see El Pollo Loco and Pasta Pomodoro on there!)

LINK

If you can't make it out tonight, you can visit Boston Market until October 31 and get your free kids meal there.

LINK

Sink or Swim?

Last month we attended a few swim parties. It seems like water parks are becoming more and more popular nowadays. Even public parks have free water play areas now (and I thought we were in a drought). Below are some photos from our YFC swim social and Jarod's birthday party in San Ramon.

When I was growing up, I loved playing with water. But water fun was limited to water guns and balloons. If you had a rich friend, then you could use their pool. Otherwise the only other option is the public pool. The pool near my house was Dimond Park where rumors were that it also served as a public urinal. I believed it then and I still believe it now.

If you are Chinese and you grew up in Oakland, chances are you don't know how to swim. The few exceptions are: (1) had wealthy parents who could afford private lessons, and (2) overseas born and already used to swimming in filthy waters (FOB).

At Oakland High School, there were only two determining factors to taking swim class: you either had to be real fobby or real ghetto to be in there, nothing in between. Oh how I still remember how the brothas used to snap the towels at the unsuspecting fobbies as they ran to and from the showers. No way I was gonna subject myself to that abuse. And since swimming was not a requirement, none of my smart friends took swimming either.

To those of us that can't swim, isn't swimming just soooo overrated?? If you're over 5 feet tall, 90% of all fun at water parks do not require the ability to swim. So unless you're training for the olympics or a job at Sea World, why learn? I mean what are the chances you're gonna fall off a boat or a bridge? (Provided the fall didn't kill you already or the sharks haven't eaten you.) Fact is, if there is an accident and you're dropped in the ocean, you're gonna die. Caught in a riptide? You're gonna die. Swept away in a hurricane? You're gonna die. Sure if you can swim, you won't die immediately, but you'll die eventually. God's timing is inescapable.

I don't think I've missed out that much in life not knowing how to swim. Sure I don't dare surf, jetski, or drop the cannonball, but I've been quite content eliminating all extreme sports from my recreation list. And now that my life is well into its second half, I'll probably need the pool more for physical therapy than fun.

Also back in the 80's, suntanning by the pool was hip while sunscreen was nonexistent. So to all my Bain de Soleil cocoa-butter buddies, look out, because melanoma may soon be knocking at your door!

Now this doesn't mean I'm preventing my kids from swimming, not at all. I want them to be a part of whatever fun their friends are having and to never feel left out. It's not their fault their dad grew up next to a ghetto and was deprived his entire childhood. I've learned to live without certain luxuries that other people take for granted. I've made my sacrifices so they don't have to. Isn't that what being a parent is all about? To unselfishly make their lives better than your own? I expect them to not just learn how to swim, but to excel in it through their adolescence. Because who knows? If someday I actually do fall off a boat, I'll need them there to save me!

Is it true that if someone breaks the water first, the second person has a softer entry?

Cannonballs away!
Note: All swimmers above either came from the burbs or private schools.

Bok Duck and Baby Duck. Patrick also graduated from OHS. I think sink.

Another OHS graduate. I think sink.

I taught Cameron good, as I filled my water gun with ice cubes before shooting him.

Future olympians, whale trainers, or Cirque de Soleil performers.

All Tangs on deck! Jarod turns one.

Who got the cocoa butter?

Gilroy Gardens for under $10

Link: Gilroy Gardens

Gilroy Gardens is probably one of the more wholesome family-oriented places you can take your small children. No foul-mouthed greasy punks, ghetto bangers, or teenage moms like at Great America or Six Flags. Just proper families with polite and obedient children like yours and mine :)

And now is the best time to go since the weather is cooling down because Gilroy can get plenty hot. We go at least once a year. And we always like to go with other families. That way, someone else can watch and entertain your kids while you sneak off and eat garlic fries by yourself (you know who you are).

Below are some photos from our last trip there this summer.

Most of the rides had zero lines, you just walk on (over and over again).

No gangbangers, but Asian drivers everywhere!

The view from atop the ferris wheel. "Daddy, something hit me on top of the head..."

The future greasy teens and ghetto bangers.

If you're not making dust, you're collecting dust.

Yesterday I spent Labor Day laboring in the garage. I recently scored a new Delta table saw on Craigslist. Dude bought it as a gift for a buddy, but his buddy ended up dying. Yes, sad. So he sold it to me at a 43% savings! Yes, good! Still sealed in the box. And delivered too! Yes, even better!

Craigslist is a great place to buy tools (because quality tools are expensive). Most people treat their power tools like they treat their gym memberships. They use it regularly at first, but then it sits around abandoned for the next few years. I would like to say I'm different, but I'm not. I too let my tools sit for a while with no projects on the horizon. But I know that if I upgraded from my portable Dewalt to a contractor's saw, I would have more ambition to attempt bigger projects. Time will tell.

Buying on Craigslist helps eliminate that guilty and wasteful feeling of overspending. Because if you bought it at a steep discount, let it sit for a few years and resell it, you will lose very little money. In fact, you may even break even or make a profit depending on how well you deal. So the only thing truly lost during those wasteful years is floor space. This also applies to treadmills, weight sets, large toys and practically anything else that's durable and not technology-driven.

For the longest time I was debating on buying a used saw. The biggest problem with a used table saw from someone's garage is the transportation, not to mention the lifting. This particular saw with the fence is about 300 lbs. I was really tempted to just order it from Amazon. But being the patient determined shopper that I am, I knew something great would come up eventually. And remember, everything is negotiable. Lowball them first. If they won't budge, then ask for delivery. Depending on location, most sellers will gladly meet because they too, just want to complete the sale.

I bought the Delta T30 Fence for $170. I couldn't justify getting the Biesemeyer at double the price. The Delta fence is very solid and sturdy. I can't imagine needing anything more.

One bad thing about buying new out of the box is the assembly (another reason not to buy new at Ikea). Over 100 screws and nuts! Even the motor had to be attached. Four hours to assemble just the saw (no thanks to the horrible instruction manual with 2 photos reversed). One hour for the fence. Although now if I ever had to assemble another one, I can do it in half the time!

Oh and another 2.5 hours to figure out how to best fit in the router table. All in all, a full day's work. Now I need to build the outfeed table...