Making progress with the Captain

So we have the battle of the designers again. We all have to submit a design for the cover of our annual report (we call it "Progress Report" because it's always late). Anyhoo, below was my first design which was picked as winner by both the Sarge and Major. It was a photo composite that had movement, nature, color, and best of all, it made you forget you're in this graffiti-ridden paradise we call San Jose. I'm commended for my good work and off it goes to get the Captain's blessing.

The Captain didn't like it. In fact, she didn't like any of the others either. Not even close! She reduced them all to ashes with a single heated breath. Being blessed with uninformed wisdom, she offers some ideas and guidance to each of us for the next round of designs.

To me she said, "You! Lowly Servant #4, I order you to create a geometric collage of a specific transit center that features a variety of transit modes!" OK. To be honest, I thought it was a good idea. So I went exactly where she ordered me and took some photos and tried to incorporate precisely what she wanted. I came up with the cover below, to which both my rulers were even more pleased with. Score!


So off it goes to the Captain again. She didn't like it. Again. She didn't like any of the others either. Again. Being anointed with unharnessed power, she changed her mind and started running off with more different ideas. She barks to me, "You! Lowly Servant #4, listen carefully. I want a design that encompasses all these ideas: meeting the needs of the future, the evolution of transportation, the different fuels and different vehicles, digital readouts and technology, operations control room, transit grids and traffic patterns, and innovation and planning images. And the tagline shall be, Transportation solutions in the 21st century."

To make matters worst, the Captain took the other designers out back and executed them, thus elevating my ranking to Lowly Servant #1. Clearly this choice was made because I'm the nicest and least likely to offer resistance (yes, this is my curse). So now I get the honor of working with the executioner one-on-one. She hovers behind me as I type and my neck starts to twitch uncontrollably. I painfully follow her every morsel of non-sensible advice and try to make it work. Below was my creation. She absolutely loves it! I am now Dungeon Master!! Woohoo!!


She happily speeds off on her warcraft to visit the Godfather. Shortly after she enters his unholy realm, our walls shake as thunderous sounds rattle my shackles. We then hear a groan as it can only come from the depths of Hades. He hates it!! Oh noooooooo!!!!

He hates the photo. He hates the tagline. He think it looks too slick. "How dare we misrepresent our prison culture!" Heads are gonna roll....

Upon her return, I am stripped of my title and demoted back to Lowly Servant. I am commanded to work into the night on a 4th, 5th and 6th cover design because the Godfather wants choices. I crank out several covers not worthy of posting and that's when Insano realizes that I've suffered enough. My body and soul has endured irreparable damage and I could no longer perform at optimum levels. In her eyes, I've become a once-winning thoroughbred horse with a broken ankle.

She drags me out back for execution only to be saved by the Major. The Major reaches into her voodoo bag for a magical potion that restores life to one of the dead designers. "Let them work together and maybe they'll come up with something to your pleasing," the Major suggested.

The Captain agreed and I was spared. Besides, her python was still digesting one of the other designers.

Working with another designer is no fun. You would think we would speed along like a team on a tandem bicycle or canoe, but instead we moved like a three-legged race – awkward, uncoordinated and self-defeating. Clearly too many cooks in the kitchen and an entire new level of torture... I was about to end my life, but a fortunate series of events happened and the job was magically finished.

Stay tuned: Next week I'll show you the final winning design.

Related Link: Meet Captain Insano