My 5/40 Club

On Wednesday I attended the funeral of my dear friend's mom. In the photo above, I am pictured in the company of my longest lasting friendships. Hard to believe, but I have been friends with each of these guys for over 40 years. The only guy missing is Chris (the original Fongpay), whom I see every week. All in all, I still keep in touch with five friends that I've grown up with since kindergarten. I am in the 5/40 Club.

No one actually enjoys a funeral, but to put a positive on it, you'll get to reunite with distant friends/relatives all in one place and relive those cherished memories you share with them. Seeing dear friends during the most depressing times really help take the sting out of the mourning—if even for only an hour. When I got the email Friday for the funeral, I'm sure I did exactly what these other guys did, I moved my schedule around to be sure I would be there. There was no way I was going to miss it. That's what best friends do.

As one of their wives mentioned to me, friendships like these are extremely rare, and to have five of them, that's practically unheard of. People move, switch churches, and generally have a tendency to just move on with no looking back. Sure we keep tabs on each other via Facebook, but making occasional online comments will never replace face to face interaction. Whenever one of them are in town, we make it a priority to get together.

Unlike today, 40 years ago, all our families stayed put. First generation immigrants have fewer job opportunities so they rarely get out of Oakland. The result is a cohesive group of children that grew up together for 12 years. Throw in Sunday School and Friday fellowships, then you'll also get the spiritual influence and moral accountability that comes with it. It's no accident that three of them are in full-time ministry. I won't tell you how many times I've been faced with decisions to do something bad only to decline because of my accountability and reputation to my church friends. Having experienced temptation, I cannot stress the importance of a steady biblical influence throughout your entire childhood and life. I think our only transgressions growing up were driving without a license and shooting off illegal fireworks.

My oldest is in seventh grade. Already he has at least six Christian friends he has known since kindergarten. My hope is as my children grow, they too will someday be in their own 5/40 clubs. For that to happen, we need to stay put, and our friends have to stay put. We all invest time in each other which hopefully eliminates any desire to leave. If you choose to leave, wherever you go, it would probably take a decade to nurture and replace the relationships you're leaving behind. I mean honestly, you ain't never gonna find another friend like me! Haha!

Right now we are really blessed with our young families group. I think it is the best it has ever been! We have about 15 consistent families with most parents being here 10-40 years. We meet weekly for lunch, monthly for small and large groups, and annually for vacations. Because of these consistent events, our kids have developed deep, lasting friendships, rooted in biblical teachings. I'm sure someday when my children are facing trials, they'll be glad to have these friendships to lean upon.

"A friend's a friend forever if the Lord's a Lord of them." - Michael W. Smith